Don't allow yourself to be a doormat.

Fact: Putting yourself "out there" is scary. It's scary for everyone. It's particularly scary for all the Hormonal Hannahs of the world who suffer from anxiety. Clinical anxiety is not just a bit of a worry over something, it's a constant running commentary in the sufferer's over-sensitive brain, analysing absolutely everything! 

"Should I have said that?"

"Oh God, have I upset so-and-so?"

"Why did he just look at me like that?"

"Why on earth did I just share all that?"

"What on earth will they think of me?"

"Why am I so useless?"

"Everyone must think I'm an idiot."

And on and on... 

So, putting stuff in writing - totally and utterly terrifying! There's no tone of voice; there's no facial expressions to interpret; there's no emphasis on certain words, it's just there in black and white (or blue and white), and people bring their own fears/guilt/worry/judgment/prejudices/love/hate/anxiety/joy/sadness and everything else they're holding onto, to their interpretation of those words. 

Creative Clara can spend (literally) hours writing one blog, in an attempt to be clear with her words, but the fact is that people read what they want to  read; they see, what they want to see, and so they think what they want to think. The truth is, that really Hormonal Hannah should stay out of the headlights! She doesn't need to blog. Baggy's original blog from five years ago was to help anyone else who might be going through the frightening experience of discovering a massive lump - if her experiences could help one other person, her job was done. Then the blog just kind of kept going, and once Baggy was diagnosed with depression and anxiety, and Hormonal Hannah became leader of the gang, it seemed to help people in other ways. And Clara loves to write, so in spite of Hormonal Hannah's serious reluctance to put herself out there, Clara keeps getting back on the keyboard.

Clara has been a little illusive over the past few months, but today's prompt to put fingers to keyboard was a social media "memory". A really bad one! Today, four years ago, Baggy's original blog was blocked. In fact, it is still blocked, and marked as an "abusive" site. Baggy has never been able to get to the bottom of that, or to get it reinstated as a safe site, and it's always bugged her, but she realises that Hannah mustn't take it personally. (Naturally, she realises that, and totally ignores it - she takes it incredibly personally; how could she not, when the blog is totally personal?)  But she knows that some people enjoy her blog, and Freda Fretter knows that some Baggees worry about her when she disappears. More than that, Clara writes her blog to entertain, and possibly to help others who struggle with things, so to be bullied out of doing that when people bring their own interpretations to her words, lets those people win.

Clever Bird knows that trying to please everyone is impossible, but because Baggy has had a series of abusive relationships in the past, (emotional, psychological and physical ones), when another such situation arrives in her life, she has a bad habit of accepting it, as if it's all that she deserves - and she once again becomes the doormat that anyone can walk over! She's always been that doormat since she was a small child, because it's easier to stay quiet than to answer back; it's easier to hide away quietly, than to voice an opinion; it's safer to agree, than to make your differing point. Except that it really isn't! Being that doormat causes serious emotional problems and high levels of stress, and what's more it's letting the person walking all over you have all of the control, which is just not healthy.

It's taken a lifetime for Baggy to acknowledge that fact. It's taken the unconditional love of an incredibly supportive husband to show Baggy that fact. It's taken hours of counselling-therapy to demonstrate to Baggy why she is so submissive to unpleasant people, and yet Hormonal Hannah will still choose to be a doormat just in case she upsets someone.

Well, perhaps this year, Baggy has finally found the strength to never be a doormat again. Hormonal Hannah will always over analyse everything, and she will probably always struggle to stand up for herself when confronted by unpleasantness, but at least she has finally realised that she doesn't need to accept it. Sometimes saying nothing, and getting out of the way is the right thing to do after all...

P.S Hannah's anxiety has stopped her pressing the "publish" button on this blog for the last thirty minutes as she doesn't want anyone thinking that she is writing about anything or anyone in particular - she isn't. But if you too are a doormat, she's sending you big hugs.

Children can be a big worry.

As regular Baggees will know, Creative Clara had to take a break from blogging for a few weeks, because Hormonal Hannah was too stressed to cope. As she explained in her birthday blog, Grotty Groom is now back on track! The Boys are back to their chilled-out selves (well for the most part anyway). For the sake of total honesty, Wesley does still have the odd "moment", but they're relaxed enough that last Tuesday Grotty decided to ride Wesley in the school on her own for the first time. She brought him in from his happy grass eating, and left Joey to his! With hindsight Clever Bird realises that this was an error; what she should have done was to bring Joey in as well - but more of that later!

Wesley was happy enough to wander in and munch on his hay, while Grotty got herself and him ready to ride. But as soon as she led him out to the school, he finally realised that his brother was not around, and started to whinny for him - constantly, and very loudly. But a brave Grotty decided to ignore this little performance, and get on him anyway. A few minutes of walking around allowed Wesley to realise that he could see his brother in his paddock, so he relaxed - as did Baggy, meaning that Grotty even asked for a little trot. 

This is how chilled out the Boy was at the end of the short session - just admiring the view.

As Grotty had booked a lesson for the Thursday, she decided to do the same thing on Wednesday, so that both Baggy and Wesley would be relaxed for their lesson. Stage one: go out to the paddock and bring the boy in from his grass munching. He was at the far end of his paddock, and for a moment Freda Fretter wondered whether she would have to walk down and get him.

But as soon as he saw his mum, he walked straight to her and dropped his head down into the head collar, happy to go in. 

"Hi Wessles, have you had a good day munching?"

" I has mum. Was luvly."

"Good lad, just stand while I try to close this electric gate without zapping myself."

"Rightho! Actuals, thinks I'll go see my bruv."

"Wesley, you little ****!"

What seemed like an hour later, but in reality was probably fifteen or twenty minutes later, after Wesley had galloped to say "hello" to Joey, then every other horse one by one; after he had evaded Grotty twice; after he had set every other horse off in a frenzy around their own paddocks; after he had let her take his lead rope to head back to the yard, then changed his mind and spun and galloped back to Joey - the new-yard owner came to Grotty's rescue! In his classic, "butter wouldn't melt" way, he then happily walked in with her, while a highly embarrassed Grotty, brought Joey in. Baggy was shaken, and was shaking - literally, so to add to her humiliation Joey decided to take off too - cantering the few yards to get to Wesley. The yard owner, then calmly walked both Boys in, while Grotty followed behind trying hard to stem Baggy's tears of fear/disappointment/hurt/humiliation and embarrassment!

Freda Fretter decided that perhaps Grotty shouldn't get on the boy after all. She also thought that she should cancel her lesson. Instead, she took Wesley back out to the school and lunged him for a while. He was an angel! 

"I is sorry mum! Just thort that Joe should come in too, so I went to get him. Then thort I did wrong and got worried. Didn't mean to cause upsets. Really is sorry."

Having calmed down, eventually, Grotty decided that she would go ahead with her lesson the next day. As a precaution, Clever Bird got both Boys left in for the day to avoid a repeat performance; which also meant that they could stuff themselves with hay all morning. The lesson went amazingly, and even though it was only in walk, and some trotting, Grotty, and Wesley were both chuffed to bits. It gave Grotty enough confidence to ride again on Saturday and Sunday with Cal and Joey. 

So yep Baggees, Grotty is happy. 

Furry Mama has also had a difficult time over the past few months. Pepper Pooch's allergies caused by his autoimmune disease have kept flaring up, causing itchy, sore welts on his skin, as his body reacts and starts to attack itself. At their worst, they are extremely painful for the poor lad, and then when they dry out, the fur on them falls out, so he now has lots of bare patches. He's been on steroids for months, but each time the dose was reduced he got poorly again. A couple of months back the vet recommended retesting for environmental allergies, as he was so young when the first test was done. It took weeks to get the results as the tests are so sophisticated, but long story short he's gone from having four key allergies when he was one, to now having fifteen! The absolute worst of which by far being dust mites and mould mites, which put The Domestic Goddess into a total cleaning frenzy for days. He's also allergic to nettles, dock, beech, fungus, grass and numerous other things that live in Gloria's garden! Today he had his second immunotherapy injection to attempt to make him feel better.

Clever Bird is optimistic that the therapy will help, and is relieved that he is already looking a little happier, and less "scratchy". 

Kids are stressful! Four-legged ones included...

Note to readers: Everyone in this blog is Baggy!! Yes, the gang is indeed just the one person; one person with multiple personalities, trying to make the most of life.

In times of great stress, sometimes the solution is a change of scenery!

"Happy Birthday to You, Happy Birthday to You, Happy Birthday dear Baggy, Happy Birthday to you!" 

Nope Baggees, Creative Clara is not going to sing it twice, Baggy is not washing her hands - obviously - as she's typing; it really is Baggy's birthday. Now Clever Bird isn't sure whether it's an old bird thing, or just an anxiety-ridden-personality thing of the Hormonal Hannah variety, but Baggy has been awake since 2.30am! At 3.30am Clever Bird decided that she might as well just get up, have a cup of (decaf.) tea, and then see if she could get back to sleep. After tea, toast, and a bit of catching up on the soaps, Baggy went back to bed at 5.00am. It was clear after thirty minutes that she might as well get up again! Furry Mama felt bad about this, as Pepper Pooch and Bracket kat, both of whom had come downstairs with her, followed her back up to bed and settled down with her once more; (rather annoyingly to Hormonal Hannah), both instantly falling to sleep! Furry Mama tried not to disturb them as she got up once more, but she failed. Pepper sighed and followed her back downstairs, Bracket kat meowed for food.

Creative Clara decided to attempt to distract Baggy's brain by writing a blog. Yep she's back - again. Because you know what Baggees, Clara has missed blogging! And in the last few weeks, thanks to her ever supportive number one furry, Calum, circumstances have improved considerably in Baggy's life and as a result, Hormonal Hannah is coping well with this latest lockdown. 

Firstly, Calum, Baggy and Pepper Pooch managed a little break, and went to visit Baggy's sister Debby for a few days in Kent. This was well needed for many reasons! Usually Baggy sees her sister every couple of months or so, but thanks to lockdown, she hadn't seen her since early March. Also, as they were driving down there, it occurred to Clever Bird that it was getting on for two years since Baggy had actually been anywhere other than within her local area. 

This explained why she was feeling so "bored" with the area, (that actually she loves), to the point where once again Clever Bird had been house hunting on the internet, wanting to move to a completely different part of the country. Loneliness, boredom, serious stress, feeling lost, and worrying about Calum being all over the country, had got Hormonal Hannah to the point where she was fighting depression and anxiety on a daily basis - truthfully Baggees, she was unravelling! In her desperation, she came extremely close to buying a shop!!!! 

The trip to Kent came at the perfect moment, and they all had a wonderful time. Feeling like the world was just a little bit "normal", during this ghastly pandemic, was wonderful.

Secondly, the horses are at a wonderful new yard and are now spending eight hours a day outside, munching grass and mooching about, rather than being stabled from September to March or April, as they have been for the last couple of years. How extremely unsuitable this was for them became increasingly apparent to Grotty Groom, as she attempted not to totally lose her nerve while riding the unexploded bomb, that Wesley had become after just three weeks of being stabled. Due to Baggy's various illnesses and surgeries in the previous three years, the horses had remained unridden, so just how unhappy being stabled was making them was not as obvious as it should have been to Grotty. But, lesson learnt, and situation now remedied. Just as importantly, the new yard is much better for Grotty too, for lots of reasons; for one, even though it's a smaller yard, there are way more people there, so Baggy gets to chat to other humans, as well as horses, and hence, she already feels considerably less lonely! Even the Pooch has made new friends:

So, to celebrate reaching her 61st birthday, (slightly against the odds), the gang (and their blog) are back. It's taken nearly three hours to write this one, so there's little point in Baggy going back to bed as it's now 8.00am! Therefore, it's time to let the birthday commence: shower, dress and head to the beach with the Pooch.

Have a lovely day Baggees, and whatever you're up to, stay safe...

Note to readers: Everyone in this blog is Baggy!! Yes, the gang is indeed just the one person; one person with multiple personalities, trying to make the most of life.

When you are just not coping with the pandemic restrictions!

It's time for Clever Bird to face facts, or rather to face one very big fact, and that is that Hormonal Hannah is not handling the ever increasing raft of restrictions and rules that are being "invented" to try and turn back a virus that cannot be turned back! That's it really. Hannah is not handling the situation well, and cannot let Creative Clara write (publicly), the truth about how she is feeling about everything. Equally, she cannot write a "happy" pretense of how her life is at the moment, so for now she will be taking a break from blogging for the foreseeable future!

Hopefully, she will see you on the other side, if there actually ever is an other side, but in the meantime take care of yourselves Baggees, and do whatever is right for you.

Bye for now xxx

Note to readers: For the avoidance of any doubt, every character in this blog is Baggy! No Baggy was harmed in its writing, although some of them can get pretty confused!

Smiling depression is even harder to cope with during this pandemic.

First of all Baggy would like to apologise on behalf of the gang, for vanishing for the last few weeks. Truthfully, Hormonal Hannah sank into such a dark place that she just couldn't cope with anything; certainly not with getting Creative Clara to be honest about how she was feeling, so the safest thing for her to do for her mental health was to vanish. But the dark cloud seems to have lifted finally, and so here she is again! 

Clever Bird truly hopes that you are all coping better than Hannah is with this weird world that everyone is having to live in. She hadn't actually realised just how badly Hannah was being affected until she spent a week or more having back-to-back meltdowns. It was actually her healthy-living app. that made her more aware of what was wrong, and it was a simple thing: she just hasn't been getting enough sleep! Baggy has never slept well; not even as a child, thanks to Lawrence-the-durmoid-cyst, who spent his time squashing Baggy's internal organs, especially her bladder, she's always woken up a few times a night to go to the loo. Her app. explained that less than eight hours of sleep a night was a major cause of all kinds of ghastly health problems, from diabetes 2 and cancer, to Alzheimer's disease and depression. Seven hours of sleep is now considered as sleep deprivation by the WHO! Even when Baggy worked, the earliest she ever had to get up on a regular basis was 7.00am, and to manage that she always went to bed by 9.00pm! So weeks of Grotty Groom getting Baggy up at 5.30am took its toll on her, much more than Clever Bird had realised. Why? Because even though she was in bed for 8.30pm, she wakes up every two hours (pretty much on the dot), and can't get straight back to sleep. Overall therefore, Baggy was maybe getting five or six hours sleep a night. Then the anxiety starts to kick in, which in Hormonal Hannah's case means that she starts to have nightmares, and her sleep becomes even more remote. Result - really bad depression, of the "I literally can't live like this"- variety. 

Two things have now changed, firstly Grotty has a new time slot at the yard, of 7.30 instead of 6.30. Secondly, if Baggy is too tired, or Hannah is too low, Grotty just has to accept that she can't go and see her horses that day, as Baggy needs to get some more sleep! Now Wesley is actually quite fit, it's not so important that Grotty rides him every day anyway, so while ever he continues to live out in the paddock and get to exercise himself all day and night wandering around munching grass and dodging flies, he's not likely to go lame, and Grotty is going to give herself a break from the guilt-fest of not going to the yard every day. And Baggy is still going to bed at 8.30, so she's getting an extra hour's sleep, and it seems to have made a massive difference! 

But there's another aspect to why Hannah has had a bit of a relapse, and that's also connected with the early starts - her days have become much longer! And no, that shouldn't be a bad thing should it? Unless you do suffer from depression that is; then it becomes a problem. A big one - loneliness, and too much time to think and fret. Heading into town to browse in shops, or sit in a café isn't really the option that it used to be, so Baggy stays inside, and Hannah sinks lower and lower. And Clever Bird is sure that she's not the only one who's going through this at present. People need other people; people need physical contact; people need hugs; people need smiles and conversations; people need to feel part of a family, a community, a group, but people who suffer from depression probably need all of this even more than most, and at the moment, most of those things are being denied them. 

In Baggy's case, as number one furry is away all week, the only people getting any of this for most of the week, are Furry Mama and Grotty Groom, who at least are getting hugs and chats from Pepper Pooch, Bracket kat, Wesley and Joey. So Baggees, if you're struggling, don't do what Hannah has been doing and struggle in silence, because it simply makes matters worse! (You'd think that she'd have learnt that by now, but she didn't want to worry Calum). But naturally Calum knew full well that Hannah was in charge of Baggy, and because she wouldn't be honest and open about just how bad she had become, he got even more worried than if she'd spoken to him...

Note to readers: For the avoidance of any doubt, every character in this blog is Baggy! No Baggy was harmed in its writing, although some of them can get pretty confused!

Early starts.

Creative Clara has to be honest, these early morning starts are beginning to take it out of Baggy! Especially now that when her alarm goes off at 5.30, it's not even properly light any more. But Grotty Groom is still dragging her out of bed to get her to the yard for 6.30, (until she's told that the rules are being relaxed and she can go later), because she's loving being with the Boy Wessles. Although yesterday, she just didn't have the energy to ride him, so she lunged him, and Freda Fretter watched in slight horror as he rodeoed his way around Grotty. At one point all four feet were around three feet above the ground, and when he landed, he took off so fast that it took all of Baggy's strength to hang onto the lunge line. But hang on she did, so to show his displeasure at that, he fly-bucked a few times, before being persuaded to come back to a ridiculously fast, (but highly impressive), trot. 

Perhaps not surprisingly, it was with some trepidation that Grotty mounted the Boy this morning; but she needs to have more faith in him, because he knows it's okay to do a bit of exuberant manoeuvring when he's being lunged on a headcollar (rather than a bridle), and at least he got it out of his system! 

He was a poppet, and despite a slight cough (which results in his nose being on the sand - interesting to sit to!), did some really good trot work, much to Grotty's delight. He's so chilled out, that Grotty can even abandon her air jacket, so that she can hop off him without scratching his saddle. 

It did occur to Clever Bird that the potentially, life-saving air jacket that she always wears, hasn't been serviced for at least four years, and therefore might not actually work! She should probably get Baggy to set it off, just to make sure that it does, but only if Hormonal Hannah can remember where on earth Grotty put the spare gas canisters. And no Baggees, worry not, she won't do it whilst on top of the Boy Wessles, as it's a very loud bang.

Baggy isn't the only one struggling with the 5.30 starts. For the last couple of days, Baggy has got up, gone downstairs and made a cup of decaf. tea, had a shower, gone back upstairs and dressed, gone back downstairs to get ready to leave, then realised that someone was missing!

Even when Furry Mama has gone back upstairs again to find the Pooch, he has refused to leave the comfort of his crate! This morning Clever Bird had to resort to going back downstairs and opening and closing the front door, in order to persuade him to move! But at least he can sleep for another couple of hours in Billy Bob Jalopy campervan while Grotty does her thing. Then he gets to play on the beach.

By early afternoon for the last few days, Baggy just has to have a sleep - and she's not the only one!

Although she's tired, Baggy is benefitting from the extra exercise, along with her (mainly) healthy eating. She has fancied going for a swim in the sea a few times this summer, but so far hasn't done. Why? Well because she doesn't have a swimsuit that fits. She bought a ridiculously expensive one last year to give her confidence, and wore it once!

When she tried it on again last week, she realised that it was falling off her! Not surprising really, as she's lost over three stone since she bought it, but it was such a beautiful swimsuit. So, when she noticed that the shop she bought it from had the same suit on a model in the window, and, better yet, that it was in the sale, Baggy decided to investigate. She popped in this morning and explained her situation. The lady looked at her, and said, "I think you're probably a 12. I'll see whether we have it in that size." They did.

"I presume that I can't try it on."

"No; of course you can!"

"Oh. Well that's lovely, but I don't think I can get these boots off," said Baggy, indicating her long leather horsey-boots, that she can only get off by using a long boot-jack thingy, or one of Calum's swords.

"Hmmm, and they're a bit sandy."

Baggy blushed, as she realised just how sandy they were (in the very posh shop), but in her defense, she'd had no intention of going shopping. But unlike the shop the other day that she asked about the swimsuits in, not only could she try it on, she could return it! So Baggy took a leap of faith, and bought the half-price suit without trying it on. Baggy tried it on as soon as she got home, and it fits perfectly, much to her delight. This means two things: firstly, that Baggy will be making herself even more tired by adding swimming to her routine, secondly, that so far she has gone down four dress sizes on her healthy living programme...

Note to readers: For the avoidance of any doubt, every character in this blog is Baggy! No Baggy was harmed in its writing, although some of them can get pretty confused!

Is the nanny state becoming overwhelming?

Some of you will want to turn away from this blog Baggees, because it will be deemed by many to be controversial/ridiculous/out of order/naïve/irresponsible, or possibly just plain stupid, but it's Clever Bird's emerging view, so here goes. Clever Bird is beginning to think that the response to Covid-19 has been over the top! There, she's said it, and now Hormonal Hannah's anxiety is kicking in for being outspoken, but Creative Clara tries to be as honest as she can in these blogs and these thoughts are keeping her awake at night. 

The initial news about this awful virus was literally terrifying! What's more it proved to be pretty accurate. It is a nasty, deadly virus, that seems to spread fast and appears to be one step ahead of the scientists who are trying to create a vaccine against it. Baggy is horrified by the number of deaths it's caused, and by how it seems to leave some people who've had it, with long-term issues. The lockdown in the United Kingdom (and many other countries) seemed to be effective at controlling its spread to a large degree, but what happens now? The UK not surprisingly, is now officially in a recession. Clever Bird thinks that in a few more months this will be declared as a depression, because businesses are still not able to function normally, or in some cases, at all. Local lockdowns are being re-imposed left, right and centre. Companies, large and small are going bust, and laying people off. Many people are still too scared to leave their homes. The economy is on the brink of collapse. And it would seem that Covid-19 is here to stay. It is also by no means a certainty that a suitable effective vaccine will ever be available. So what does happen now? 

Social distancing (generally), hand washing and wearing masks all make perfect sense, and are fairly easy to do - or at least they should be; yet many people don't seem to want to bother. But with these "rules" in place, Clever Bird can't help but think that it's time to try to get the world back to a new normal - a more normal, normal than currently exists, because if it doesn't get back to normal fairly soon, unemployment is going to be a huge threat to many people's physical and mental health. 

For instance, how exactly are clothes shops supposed to stay profitable if it's not possible to try anything on? And if you can take it home and try it on, then why can't you try it on in the shop? Or as Baggy discovered yesterday, if you would like a swimsuit, you not only can't try it on, if you buy it, you cannot return it - unless you buy it from the website, then (because it's the law!), you may return it. Stupid! Yet, no one is preventing people from picking up such items, before putting them back on the rails! 

And how about the fact that soap and water is the best way to kill the virus, and yet many public toilets remain closed? Number one furry is driving an HGV around the country along with thousands of other professional drivers, keeping the country supplied with goods during one of the hottest weeks of the year. These drivers have to live in their little tin boxes all week, but do they have access to showers? Nope, not at present, because the ever-dwindling ones that are available at truck stops and services, are currently closed. Worse yet, truck stops can't make any money in the current restricted world, and are going bust, so there'll soon be even fewer places for drivers to rest and get washed.

One way systems in shops are just plain crackers in most cases - making people be in shops longer than is necessary; walk way further than necessary and pass more people than they needed to. Shops that have always allowed dogs to go into them suddenly won't allow dogs in (why?). And don't even start Clara on cafes and restaurants etc. But at least now it's hot and dry, and people can be outdoors - what happens in a few more weeks time when it's cold and wet and everyone is indoors where the virus spreads more easily? And they've also got colds and flu to contend with, and all the kids are back at school, and students are at college, and lots more people are commuting to work - will the country be locked down again when the inevitable happens? Maybe, just maybe, we need to be able to make decisions for ourselves once again; businesses should be allowed to decide for themselves what is and isn't acceptable - five people only in a shop, is pretty pointless when all five are queuing at the till together for instance. 

If a vaccine isn't available, will there be any choice but to let people start to live their own lives again? The country can't keep being locked down can it? And if it can, and is, what will be left at the end of these lockdowns? Surely Clever Bird can't be the only one thinking that the current restrictions are too much? Where will it end? How will it end? Will it end?

Maybe nature is making its point...

Note to readers: For the avoidance of any doubt, every character in this blog is Baggy! No Baggy was harmed in its writing, although some of them can get pretty confused! 

Animals are sent to us for a reason.

Baggy spent a while re-reading her blog last night, starting back in February, pre-Covid-19 world. She had forgotten just how anxious Hormonal Hannah was at the beginning of this pandemic; so anxious in fact that she could very easily have developed agoraphobia. Not being able to visit a beach for over two months was hard, and it's wonderful that Furry Mama is going again. Pepper Pooch is loving it as well, and they're getting there early enough  to beat the worst of the heat, and most of the crowds. But, and there's always a "but" in Baggy's life; Pepper seems to be showing the initial signs that he's becoming poorly again.

He seems to have developed yet another ear infection, and he has a psoriasis-type rash on his groin. Naturally, Freda Fretter is worried sick about this, but as Furry Mama has all the appropriate medicines leftover from last time, she's onto it. Clever Bird knows that the vets haven't yet figured out what exactly is wrong with Pepper, but autoimmune diseases mean that his body keeps "attacking itself". What isn't known is specifically what triggers these reactions, although being stressed can certainly be a factor. Freda worries that merely not walking Pepper for a day (because it was 34 deg.C), might have been enough this time - it certainly appears to be what caused it previously. 

After leaving the beach today, Furry mama had to drop by the vets' in order to collect his worm and flea treatments, and a bag of his Anallergenic food. She happened to bump into (not literally you understand Baggees), the vet who treated Pepper with his first violent sickness episode during lockdown, back in March. She remembered Baggy, and asked after Pepper (by name, which was pretty impressive). Furry Mama explained the latest symptoms, and was worried by her comment that "his body was basically eating itself," or words to that affect. 

"Poor lad, he suffers a lot doesn't he?"

"Well, he's mine, so there's no surprise there," replied Furry Mama. "Any animal who chooses me to be their human always has problems!" 

Furry Mama went on to explain about Minty Mutt and Wesley's issues, before mentioning Hinge cat, and immediately getting tearful.

"She was only eight when we lost her, and we still have her sister, Bracket, so it's a daily reminder."

"Bless her, that was young."

"It was, but we rescued them from a horrible situation, so at least she had a really happy few years." 

"And that's what you're giving Pepper too." 

Naturally, all Freda Fretter took in from that statement was that Pepper would possibly not have a long life, and if that is the case, Calum and Furry Mama plan on making the lad as happy as they can. 

Grotty Groom certainly hopes that her Boy Wessles has had a good life with her, during the past fifteen years. He was a sweetheart when she rode him in the school this morning - even though it was already 23 deg.C at 7.30am. 

Yes Baggees, Grotty had Baggy looking more than a little flushed! But look at that Boy, waiting for Creative Clara to get a photo of him with Grotty. She had to wander away from him to get him in the shot, because each time she tried to do a close up, he stuck his nose on the phone!

It's great that he's now so relaxed in the school though, because it means that Baggy can get the mounting block in and out, without having to hang onto him.

Not bad for a ridiculously spooky horse eh Baggees?

Clever Bird thinks that if he could, Wesley would happily just spend the day in the school; not being ridden - just standing about!

There's one nice advantage to being the first person to ride each day, the school has usually been levelled. Grotty uses this to plan her moves - well, yes, more accurately Wesley's moves - because she can see exactly where they've been. Are they walking in a proper straight line? Is their circle really a circle, or more of an egg?

And when Creative Clara gets a little fed up of circles, straight lines, serpentines and tear-drops, she plays, "follow the tractor tracks", (although she can't help but wonder now, whether those tracks might become more challenging once Pauline (the lovely yard manager) sees that comment)...

Note to readers: For the avoidance of any doubt, every character in this blog is Baggy! No Baggy was harmed in its writing, although some of them can get pretty confused!

Why is it so hard to wear a mask?

Clever Bird is no longer at all sure how this Covid-19 is going to play out. It sounds as though it's going to be staying around for years, and that they're hopeful, but by no means certain, that a vaccine will be developed. The whole, "let's get everyone over 50 to self isolate" plan, seems to have gone away, thankfully, because that was never going to happen. 1-in-5 people are now known to show zero symptoms when they have it, so presumably are merrily getting on with their lives, and inadvertently infecting other people. Many others do have symptoms when they're infected, but not necessarily the cough, high temperature and loss of smell that are the criteria for self-isolating. Masks are mandatory in shops (in theory), yet many people are wearing them incorrectly, or using flimsy, one-layered jobs that are pretty useless. Freda Fretter has observed total nonsense situations from people who clearly have no clue why they're wearing a mask: an old chap leaving a café and taking off his mask, then laying it, mouth-side down on the newly disinfected table - not "his" newly disinfected table, just a convenient one. He then chatted to a friend on another table, before picking up his mask and leaving! A young woman leaving a shop, taking off her mask and whilst holding the mask in her same hand, picking up, and putting back down, displayed vegetables on the table outside the grocery shop. 

As for social distancing: Baggy was disinfecting her hands with the sanitiser provided, whilst waiting to be allowed to go into a café to order her latte when she heard a voice behind her, "That smells rather lovely, I might have a go with that." Baggy turned around, to be faced, literally about a foot away, by an old guy, with no mask on, laughing and indicating the sanitiser - not that he did use it! Instead he touched Baggy on her (bare) arm and said, "But it's more of a woman's scent." So all things considered, Freda Fretter has come to the conclusion that Baggy's fate is in the lap of the Gods. All she can do is to keep Baggy as safe as possible in the midst of such ignorance, and get on with her life, as she's not prepared to lock herself away again, unless she has to. 

Grotty Groom continues to get Baggy up at 5.30 so that she can work with the Boy Wessles. She varies his work to keep them both from becoming bored. They ride in the school, go out on hacks, long-rein, or lunge, depending on the temperature, and Baggy's energy levels. 

On the hottest day last week, Grotty decided just to give both Boys a bath instead of working them. Admittedly Baggy ended up as wet as the horses, but it was worth it to try to alleviate their itchy tails. She smelt as nice as they did as well, after using the mint and tea tree oil shampoo. Not that it made any difference! This was the next day:  

Clever Bird thinks that perhaps Wesley just prefers the loo-brush look. 

Furry Mama has been going to different beaches to avoid the crowds: Dunwich

Sizewell;

Gorleston. 

Since it's been so hot, number one furry has had the barbeque out a couple of times. It's lovely for Baggy to have a husband who is such a good cook, and they certainly won't be eating-out,(inside) any time soon, so...

Today's lunch:

And Baggy is spoilt! Having made a late lunch, number one furry had to go to bed as he has to get up at 1.00am to get ready to head off to work! Baggy's 5.30am alarm will be a positive lie-in, in comparison...

Note to readers: For the avoidance of any doubt, every character in this blog is Baggy! No was harmed in its writing, although some of them get pretty confused!