Depression is very misunderstood.

Note to readers (my lovely Baggees): For the avoidance of any doubt - every character in this blog is me!!! No Baggy was harmed in its writing.

Baggy's daily state!
Depression (Black = really bad/Grey = not great/Blue = okay/Yellow = sunny day): Black.
Anxiety (From 1 = barely any to 10 = gibbering wreck standard): 4.
Tears: No.
Overall day: 👾

Funny how one can lull oneself into a false sense of security. Baggy was feeling pretty optimistic that Hormonal Hannah had taken a back seat in the gang. Why? Because the black cloud hasn't really managed to gather any momentum recently, despite all the dramas going on in Baggy's life. Well frankly Clever Bird should have had words with Baggy. Although she hasn't recognised it until last year, Baggy has suffered from depression since she was a very small child, so sadly it's not very likely to suddenly vanish, never to return. The menopause, Lawrence-the-durmoid-cyst and the deaths of Baggy's dad and stepmother managed to push Baggy into a downward spiral that meant it was no longer possible to ignore the fact that she was actually mentally poorly, not just a bit down. But the counselling, the happy pills and getting on with things has made a massive difference. Recently Freda Fretter had begun to think that the whole, "Baggy has depression" was one big mistake - that Baggy was just feeling sorry for herself. Clever Bird was even considering taking Baggy off the happy pills as she regularly forgets to take them until late in the day anyway. But she should have recognised the signs: constantly tired, aching all over, sleeping really late, not wanting to go out, getting anxious and a bit snappy, feeling over emotional and teary, not feeling confident enough to blog, eating "bad" things all the time. Yep, Baggy's been doing the lot. To the point where her self-destruct button means that she has put over one-and-a-half stones back on. Hopeless.

The black cloud arrived today. Baggy finally woke up enough to get up at 11.00am, but didn't really want to get out of bed. If Furry Mama didn't have four furries to sort out, Baggy would probably have crawled back under the duvet and stayed there for most of the day. Even though her depression is far from the "serious" variety, it's still pretty debilitating. And although she tries to hide it from Calum most of the time, because it must be a proper pain to live with someone who's depressed and illogically anxious, occasionally she knows it's so bad that she needs to say something so that he doesn't think that she's in a strop with him. Today was one of those days. "Sorry Cal, I'm in a bad place today".
"Well you know what to think. There's always someone worse off than you".
Now Baggy knows that he means well, and she understands totally why he said it, but true as that statement undoubtedly is, it is totally and utterly irrelevant when someone is feeling depressed. In fact it's enough to make them feel worse. But bizarrely today it worked for Baggy. She knows the statement is very true, and she's sick of the black cloud turning up when she thought it had left, so she "made" herself try to ignore it. Much easier said than done, but she got Furry Mama to take Mint for a walk, then took Calum into town for a little change of scenery. Actually Clever Bird thought there was a "Garden Market" on - there wasn't!

When she got home, Baggy took Gloria Gardener up to the top of the bank where a friend had poisoned some nettles for them, and started to pull them all up. An hour later Baggy felt a lot better! This evening Creative Clara switched on her laptop to discover two more bookings for the holiday cottage, both in August and an enquiry from Illinois about purchasing one of the most expensive items in her Etsy shop Realuv. Thank you universe, buzz off cloud...............

No news is good news - hopefully.

Note to readers (my lovely Baggees): For the avoidance of any doubt - every character in this blog is me!!! No Baggy was harmed in its writing.

Baggy's daily state!
Depression (Black = really bad/Grey = not great/Blue = okay/Yellow = sunny day): Yellow.
Anxiety (From 1 = barely any to 10 = gibbering wreck standard): 6.
Tears: No.
Overall day:💦

Baggy had to get up today to drive number one furry over to the holiday cottage, well not that he needed to go to the holiday cottage as such, but he did need to go to the pharmacy to get another three weeks worth of bug-killing antibiotics. Clever Bird set the alarm for eight. They finally found the energy to actually get up at nine. Furry Mama gave Minty Mutt his morning brie with dementia pills and Tramadol, along with a cup of tea with his liquid anti-inflammatory pain killer in it, then took him for a morning amble and tucked him up with the television, chewies and The Hinge cat for company. Bracket kat decided to spend the day hunting and sun-bathing.

Antibiotics collected, they pootled to the holiday cottage thinking that Gloria Gardener might need to assist the caretaker and cut the lawns, as guests were leaving and new ones arriving today. As they pulled up, the caretaker was just pushing Gloria's lawnmower back to the back garden. Apparently the guests left last night instead of this morning. Hopefully this was not because they were disappointed in any way, but of course Freda Fretter will worry regardless. The first thing she did was to check whether they had filled in a feedback form, but no they hadn't. But then, "No news is good news" as they say. The house looked immaculate and the flowers are blooming in their pots, so hopefully the new guests will be happy. The caretaker did say that she'd removed a whole dustpan full of dog hair though! Freda will await any on-line comments about their stay.

Baggy then drove Calum to his workplace to have a chat with the boss and collect his motorbike which has been there since his unexpected trip to hospital last Friday. His phone rang. Baggy assumed that it was the doctor who had promised to call as she wanted a word about his health, but it wasn't. It was the dentist, asking where he was. They leaped back into the car and whizzed to the dentist's. Baggy dropped Cal at the door and went and parked, before heading off for a walk around town (in the sweltering 26deg.C. heat!!!!). Forty-five minutes later Calum reappeared, slightly whoozy from yet more Novocain and they headed back to his workplace. Motorbike collected, Furry Mama followed him in the car, like an over-protective hen with her chick, trying to check he was okay. He was, although they stopped for a drink break half way home.

Minty Mutt was beside himself with joy when they got back, and Furry Mama felt bad that she'd left him for so long. More brie (and drugs) and a salmon-skin chewie cheered him up. Then he promptly fell asleep. Meanwhile Bracket kat is re-marking the house by head-butting the mutt, her sister and Calum and Baggy to reclaim them all, as only cats can............

It's a scary world.

Note to readers (my lovely Baggees): For the avoidance of any doubt - every character in this blog is me!!! No Baggy was harmed in its writing.

Baggy's daily state!
Depression (Black = really bad/Grey = not great/Blue = okay/Yellow = sunny day): Yellow.
Anxiety (From 1 = barely any to 10 = gibbering wreck standard): 3.
Tears: No.
Overall day: 👺

Apologies for the lack of blogs baggees, there are two reasons for this. Firstly Creative Clara can think of nothing interesting to say and secondly Creative Clara can think of nothing interesting to say! That's it really. Nothing interesting has happened to Baggy. She has no energy to do anything of interest. And Calum and Minty Mutt are not well, so nothing has been done for a couple of days really, apart from lots of sleeping. But old age and dementia are taking their toll a bit.

First problem is Hormonal Hannah's brain. It was her who selected the paint for The Domestic Goddess to paint the window casements. It was Calum who pointed out to her yesterday that she'd used indoor paint. Result - she'll have to do them all again. More paint was purchased. She intended getting started on it today. But Baggy finally got up at 11.00am and within half-an-hour some pretty violent thunderstorms had started. This put poor little Minty Mutt into a meltdown. It's so sad for Furry Mama to watch. Her big brave reenactment dog, who has walked through World War II "guns", past Napoleonic cannons, in amongst Saxon shield-walls, is a gibbering panting wreck when it thunders. He's never been bothered, in fact he used to go outside in storms and watch the lightening. Now the poor sausage glues himself to Furry Mama or Calum every time there's a bang. It makes Freda Fretter wonder if Furry Mama is indeed being unkind to him. He's obviously distraught and unsure what to do. Lots of things worry him these days, and Baggy just keeps remembering her step-mother's Alzheimer's, and how often she was scared. Baggy always used to say that it was cruel to let her carry on like that, "You wouldn't put a dog through it", so now Furry Mama is wondering if that is exactly what she's doing. It's so hard.

All she wants to do is give him the best life possible, but how do you tell when that is no longer what you are doing? He has to have surgery next week, and Furry Mama is now full of doubt that that's the right thing to do either. He's an old dog and it's a big risk.................

All of life is here.

Note to readers (my lovely Baggees): For the avoidance of any doubt - every character in this blog is me!!! No Baggy was harmed in its writing.

Baggy's daily state!
Depression (Black = really bad/Grey = not great/Blue = okay/Yellow = sunny day): Yellow.
Anxiety (From 1 = barely any to 10 = gibbering wreck standard): 7.
Tears: Not enough energy.
Overall day: 😪

Baggy woke up at silly o'clock, almost lunchtime! Feeling guilty she headed downstairs to find her two biggest furries. There was no sign of either of them. Hinge and Bracket glued themselves to Furry Mama's ankles, their eyes fixed to the two packets of food in her hand, as she went back upstairs. Clever Bird noticed a nose. Minty Mutt was lying in the doorway of the spare bedroom. Baggy wandered over. "Oh, there you both are". Cal was still in bed, on his laptop. Mint was guarding him. Furry Mama went and fed the cats and then hopped in bed with Cal. A few minutes later Hinge and Bracket joined them. By the time everyone was fully awake, it was lunchtime.

It's been a floppy day really. Cal has an excuse, he's really rather poorly. Freda Fretter is not at all sure what Baggy's excuse is. She persuaded Calum to come on a short gentle stroll with Minty Mutt. It's another beautiful day, but it was probably too hot, even for a stroll. Mint hopped straight into his new paddling pool when they got back. Furry Mama half expected Calum to join him. Baggy sat on one of the garden chairs and watched him. Mint drank half the pool. Tea needed. The Domestic Goddess went in and put the kettle on. She swore at Furry Mama as Minty Mutt followed her dripping pool water and mud all the way through the kitchen, and putting wet paw prints across the sitting room carpets. Sigh. Cal was chilling on the sofa watching catch-up telly. Baggy ignored the now filthy carpet, and joined him. There was a commotion from the kitchen. Very "talkative" meows. "Now what have you got Bracket? I really don't need any more presents".  Furry Mama wandered back through.

Bracket was in the hall, lifting the little Afghani rugs up. Furry Mama lifted one up too and couldn't see anything. "What have you got? There's nothing there". Bracket leapt on another little rug. Furry Mama lifted it. Nothing. Then she saw something shoot across the floor as Bracket leapt on it. "What is.........ooooooo, a lizard". The tiny, now tailless, lizard shot into the kitchen with Baggy in hot pursuit. Furry Mama tried to catch it, but it was so quick, she couldn't pick it up.
"Calum, can you get me an envelope or something?"
"What sort?"
"Any sort", said Hormonal Hannah slightly "shortly", as she tried to stop the lizard disappearing, while Bracket watched on, swishing her tail. The lizard meanwhile had seen his escape route, and shot up Baggy's arm. Furry Mama wrestled him back to the floor and cupped his hands over him.
"Where are you?"
"On the floor".
"Oh, what is it?"
The lizard shot out. Baggy caught it again. Calum pushed a piece of paper under Baggy's hands. Again it shot off, but Calum did a Ninja Kung-Fu movement and caught him and put him outside.

Gloria Gardener really loves her garden, and Clever bird is beginning to realise how many other people love it as well. So many breeds of bird Furry Mama has lost count; mice, rabbits, moles, voles, shrews, slow-worms, lizards - she's just hoping for a hedgehog next. Baggy was contemplating this, sitting on the patio, when there was another racket. This time, the two of them, Hinge and Bracket were studying the base of a plant pot! Furry Mama rescued another lizard!

The Domestic Goddess was thinking of doing some more window painting, when she felt a little peculiar. She went in and Clever Bird decided that she should have a little lie down. Once again she woke up ninety-minutes later! Calum has an excuse for being exhausted, Clever Bird is really not sure what Baggy's excuse is................

Sometimes things just have to be done.

Note to readers (my lovely Baggees): For the avoidance of any doubt - every character in this blog is me!!! No Baggy was harmed in its writing.

Baggy's daily state!
Depression (Black = really bad/Grey = not great/Blue = okay/Yellow = sunny day): Yellow.
Anxiety (From 1 = barely any to 10 = gibbering wreck standard): 2.
Tears: Nope.
Overall day:😛

Grotty Groom was determined to see her hoss today. DETERMINED! She has missed him so much for the last few weeks. It's hard, because she can't do anything with him at present, but she needed to see the lad. Number one furry wasn't too keen to go over to the yard, as he doesn't even have the strength to groom Joey, but Grotty persuaded him to come with her. After a quick cup of tea and a catch up, Grotty headed to the paddocks and left Cal drinking tea. As she went through the gate to the paddocks, Grotty could see two zebras munching grass. She recognised Joey's large posterior in the distance. He looked up as she passed, then went straight back to munching grass. "Oh, I'm in trouble", thought Freda Fretter. Then her Boy spotted her. Wesley lifted his head, gave a very loud whinney and trotted to the fence to meet Grotty. "Phew, I'm not in trouble with you then Wessles?"
"No Mum, but where've you been?"
Grotty tried to explain to him all the dramas of the last few weeks, while she took his zebra rug off and gave him a really good brush.
"Okay Mum, I forgive you, but can you just scratch that bit please?" - he said while presenting his neck, "Oh, and my leg, yes there, thanks. And the other one. Oooooooo, and the top of my tail....."
And so it went on, as Grotty groomed each bit that he presented her with, and then re-did his plaits. After a goodly while, Clever Bird has no idea how long, Calum hobbled towards them. Treats, long grass and cuddles given to both horses, Grotty felt herself again.

Wessles too seemed very happy to have seen his Mum and had a good scratch. Food shopping on the way home. Then to the local hardware store to buy paint. (The paint that Clever Bird found in the garage would have made an exceptionally good trampoline for fairies, but it was at least seven years old.) On the way to the paint Furry Mama passed kiddies' paddling pools. When she got home, after The Domestic Goddess had unpacked everything, Furry Mama set it up, complete with a sun brolly for shade.

Ready for the Minty Mutt!

While number one chilled out watching Wimbledon, The Goddess got on with painting the first sash window. Unfortunately the paint that Clever Bird had chosen had the consistency of single cream, so it was a challenge! After over an hour doing one sash, in the sweltering sun, Baggy was worn out. She headed in. Decided to have a little sit down on the comfy lounger, next to Minty Mutt. Must have nodded off.

Was woken by a wet nose warning her that a certain husband was sneaking around with Creative Clara's camera.

Sometimes...............

Just in case........

Note to readers (my lovely Baggees): For the avoidance of any doubt - every character in this blog is me!!! No Baggy was harmed in its writing.

Baggy's daily state!
Depression (Black = really bad/Grey = not great/Blue = okay/Yellow = sunny day): Yellow.
Anxiety (From 1 = barely any to 10 = gibbering wreck standard): 2.
Tears: Nope.
Overall day: 😎

Calum suggested that they take Minty Mutt to the seaside today - a bit of sunshine and sea air for Furry Mama's two invalids! Baggy drove Billy Bob Jalopy to Walberswick. They are really lucky to be living so near to the coast. It's only a twenty-minute drive, if that! If you've never been to Suffolk baggees, or to England for that matter, Clever Bird knows that most people would not list the county of Suffolk as somewhere they'd love to visit. It's much more likely that they'd say Cornwall, Devon, Derbyshire, Cumbria, Yorkshire, Kent even Norfolk, which is next door, but very few would even think of Suffolk. But it's a stunning county! Think Constable country - it hasn't really changed that much in the last few hundred years. But it also has the most exquisite coast. Not dramatic like some areas, but lovely, fairly quiet beaches, with sea it's safe to swim in. Gorgeous towns and villages with their quirky little tea rooms, and BIG skies. Baggy has Southwold, Walberswick, Dunwich and Minsmere beaches all within twenty-five minutes of the house. At the other end of the county where the holiday cottage is, Dedham Mill, which Constable made so famous, is just twenty minutes drive away. It's a great county.

Minty Mutt is certainly loving the sea. It probably is doing his skin lots of good, and it keeps him cool in this wonderful hot weather. Furry number one also seemed to pick up a little in the sea air.

Freda Fretter just wants Minty to enjoy himself while he can, as she can't help worrying herself sick that he may not be well enough to survive his surgery in eleven days time. But as Calum says, "There's no point in thinking like that". Then he added, "But just in case, we should make the most of every moment with him".

 

Minty chose where they walked. After his paddle he headed to see the "crabbers".

Home again, Baggy was feeling restless, so she rustled up The Domestic Goddess and set her off with a paint brush. Having painted the whole of the holiday cottage, which now looks wonderful, Clever Bird decided that it was high time that The Goddess started on their home. The entire place needs doing, but the urgent bit is all of the outside woodwork. If this isn't done before the autumn, wood will start rotting, so it's a priority. But it was sooooooooooooooo hot! So Calum sat on the wall supervising, and holding a massive sun brolly to give the paint and Baggy some shade to work in. After a couple of hours and some precarious hanging out of the upstairs windows, the window casements and windowsills were transformed (although Baggy says so herself). If she can find some white paint in the treasure store that is the garage, she may tackle the sash windows themselves tomorrow. This will however require ladders to do the upstairs windows - what could possibly go wrong?..................

Nesting.

Note to readers (my lovely Baggees): For the avoidance of any doubt - every character in this blog is me!!! No Baggy was harmed in its writing.

Baggy's daily state!
Depression (Black = really bad/Grey = not great/Blue = okay/Yellow = sunny day): Blue.
Anxiety (From 1 = barely any to 10 = gibbering wreck standard): 6.
Tears: Nope.
Overall day: 😍

Baggy didn't go to bed last night until about 1.00am. She fell instantly to sleep with the Hinge cat at her feet. Number one furry was in the spare bedroom again so that Hormonal Hannah wouldn't disturb him. Minty Mutt joined Baggy at the foot of her bed. After the stress of the day, she slept like a loggette. Around 5.00am Hormonal Hannah needed a pee. When she went back to bed, Hinge decided that she needed a cuddle from Furry Mama - it was after all full daylight.

Tap Furry Mama on the nose with a kitten soft paw. Cute. No response from Baggy.
Tap Furry Mama on the mouth with a kitten soft paw. Cute. No response from Baggy.
Tap Furry Mama on the mouth claws out. Ouch! Baggy caught Hinge's paws.
Tap Furry Mama on the eye claws out. Seriously ouch!! Baggy pushed her away.
Walk back onto Furry Mama's chest - ouch, ouch, ouch. "Get off my boobs Hinge, it hurts!" Baggy pushed her away.
Walk around to the top of Furry Mama's head and start to massage Baggy's hair. Then pull a bit out with her paw. Okay.
Start to eat Furry Mama's hair. "No Hinge". Baggy pushed her away.
Head back to the hair and massage Furry Mama's neck. Nice.
Get claws out. "Ouch. Stop that Hinge". Baggy pushed her away.
Go straight back to Furry Mama's hair and try again. Baggy had had enough. She pushed Hinge away and pulled the duvet right over her head.
Crawl straight up Furry Mama's body and lie on her face! Baggy got the giggles even though she couldn't really breathe!
Baggy finally got back to sleep with the Hinge at her feet, at around 6.00am.

Butter wouldn't melt.

Furry number one slept well, and felt much better this morning. Although once he'd taken his antibiotics he went back to bed. Although this was because he is supposed to rest, it was more to do with the fact that the house was in such a mess that there was nowhere to sit downstairs. The Domestic Goddess had once again been missing in action. But Furry Mama wanted to look after her number one, so she bullied The Goddess into action. It's taken all day, but the house is looking okay again and Calum has somewhere to sit in comfort.

The good news is that Calum is much better. He thought that he was well enough to go out. He had a shower ready to potter into town. Freda Fretter asked if he was okay. "Yeah, I'm fine, but could you dry me please?"
Sitting on a lounger in the gorgeous Suffolk sunshine, Calum felt good. Good enough to go out. He enjoyed his shower. He got out and had zero strength. Not even enough to dry himself. At least he got the message that Freda Fretter has been trying to give him, REST! Now Baggy needs to do the same..........