What are the best antidepressants?

It didn't need Psychic Ploppo's abilities to predict that as soon as number one furry went back to work, Hormonal Hannah would slip into a decline! However, what she hadn't realised was that it would happen before he even went back. Having found out on Friday night, that he was needed back at work today, Calum's sunny humour of the last couple of months departed, as he began to stress about going back to driving, and living in a lorry all week. Consequently, Hannah's anxiety rose exponentially, and the atmosphere in the Baggy household was a little tense at the weekend. But Calum and Grotty Groom were determined to carry on riding the Boys, and Grotty was even more determined to progress with Wesley. 

On Saturday, she persuaded Calum to wait to ride Joey, so  that she could see how Wesley behaved without his safety-blanket in the school with him. To Grotty's relief, the answer was "perfectly". On Sunday, Calum and Grotty rode the Boys together again, and Grotty extended Wesley's work to fifteen minutes.

Today was crunch time. Calum had to be up at six to head to work, so last night he had an early night. Hannah was wound up, so decided to keep Baggy up until midnight, but in spite of that she could not get to sleep, as Hannah's mind whirred. She must have dozed off at around 2.00am, only for Furry Mama to be woken by barking. She dragged Baggy downstairs, to find Pepper standing at the door wanting to go out - it was 3.00am. The black Pooch, vanished into the black garden, and Furry Mama could not see him, but Baggy didn't want to head into the darkness in her dressing gown, so waited on the sofa, and waited, and waited...

Pepper finally came back in at 3.30am, and decided to eat his supper. Baggy went back to bed, and listened to Hormonal Hannah's constant ramblings, as she tried desperately to get back to sleep. She dozed off, but woke up with a really painful ankle, and decided to walk about on it for a bit - it was 4.30am. Baggy went back to bed again, rubbing her ankle, and trying not to get annoyed at the extremely loud dawn chorus, only to hear Calum getting up. Assuming that it was 6.00am, and knowing she couldn't sleep, she decided to get up too. It was 5.00am! Sigh. But at least it meant that Baggy could have a cup of tea with her husband and chat for an hour, before he left for work at 6.15.

As Calum headed off for the week, Hannah felt lost, and decided that sleep was needed, to cut off her thoughts, so Baggy went back to bed once again. Pepper Pooch and Bracket kat, both decided to join her, but even though Baggy's ankle was still hurting, and she couldn't get comfortable because of the furries who were literally laying on her, she fell asleep, and finally woke at noon! Hannah wasn't in a good place at all, and by 2.30pm Baggy still wasn't showered or dressed - she decided to call Calum.

To Hannah's relief, Calum sounded quite chirpy, and was already back into the swing of his work.

"How are you now? How's your ankle?"

"The ankle's okay thanks. Me - not so much!" said Hannah and promptly started to cry. "I'm sorry, I knew this would happen. I don't feel like doing anything."

"Well, that's okay, you don't need to do anything until you go to see the horses."

"Actually, I wasn't going to go."

"You should! You'll feel better."

"Maybe you're right."

Clever Bird was furious with Hannah; Cal has gone back to work to pay the bills, and she's sitting about moping and stressing.

"You are right! Sorry. I'll take the Pooch to the beach, then I can go straight to the yard." And that's what she did. 

Hannah began to relax as soon as she was at the beach, and by the time she got Grotty to the yard, she was determined to work Wesley.

Freda Fretter was relieved when he came in from his paddock like a lamb, and decided to let Grotty tack him up, so that she could ride him if he was calm enough. As they walked down to the indoor school, Wesley whinnied like a numpty, calling to Joey who was still in his paddock. Joey didn't help, by calling back, but a determined Grotty led Wesley around the arena to see whether he was likely to be spooky. After five minutes of this, Clever Bird decided that it was time to phone Calum.

"Cal, I'm getting on my Boy! If you haven't heard from me in twenty minutes, which is 5.30, please call me back. If I don't answer, start to panic! And call Pauline. I don't think she's on the yard, but she'll know what to do."

Well, that was Clever Bird's theory anyway, because with her new "life is too short" attitude, Grotty was not going to be put off! Twenty minutes later, a very happy Baggy phoned Calum.

"We're alive!"

"You had two more minutes, and I was going to call."

"Yes, I just realised that the school clock is five minutes slow - I should have checked! But, apart from calling to Joey, and a couple of his other mates, and nearly vibrating me out of the saddle in the process, he was an absolute angel."

"Well done. I'm proud of you."

And frankly, Baggy was proud of Grotty, and Wesley as well! They might only have done a few circles and serpentines around the school in walk for ten minutes, but as far as Clever Bird was concerned, that was a small miracle, and the first step towards getting Grotty's confidence back! 

Better yet, even Hannah felt great! The black cloud that had been looming had receded and her anxiety was back to a manageable level. The fact is, that for Hannah, horses are a seriously good anti-depressant from just being with them; chuck into the mix, riding a horse as sharp and unpredictable as Wesley can sometimes be, and the total concentration that is required to stay safe, even when he is not putting a hoof wrong, and all worries are gone. As Hannah can no longer take actual antidepressants, as they eat away Baggy's stomach lining, taking a daily dose of half-a-tonne of horse is the best alterantive!

Now, as long as there is no bad news over Pepper Pooch's biopsy results, maybe Grotty can keep Hormonal Hannah on track, now that Calum is once again away all week. Tomorrow will be Joey's turn...

Baggy's current state!

Depression (Black = really bad/Grey = not great/Blue = okay/Yellow = sunny day): Grey.

Anxiety (From 1 = barely any to 10 = gibbering wreck standard): 6.
Tears: Yep.
Overall days: Stressful.

Note to readers: For the avoidance of any doubt, every character in this blog is Baggy! No Baggy was harmed in its writing, although some of them get pretty confused!

Waiting for biopsy results.

After a worrying day for Furry Mama, the vet called to let her know that the endoscopy had gone well, and that there was no blockage of any kind. Therefore, the good news was that Pepper would not need any surgery to remove a mass or a foreign object. However, the specialist who undertook the camera survey, had found that Pepper's intestine, stomach, larynx, nasopharynx and trachea were all very inflamed. They believe that the inflammation seen in his airways, and the gagging that had caused Freda Fretter to get him referred in the first place, "might actually correspond to regurgitation, secondary to gastroenteritis." They took biopsies, the results of which should be available early next week. 

Naturally that statement totally freaked out Hormonal Hannah.

"Biopsies? Sorry, but I suffer from anxiety and depression, and my anxiety has just shot up, how worried should I be?"

"You really don't need to worry at this stage."

'So at what stage should I start worrying?' thought Hannah, who had totally focussed on the vet's final words. "What are you thinking that it might be then?"

"It's possible that it's some form of autoimmune disease, but we won't know until we get the results of the tests that we took."

But the good news was that Furry Mama and Calum could go and collect Pepper that evening. So, yesterday they drove once more to Newmarket to pick the lad up at 6.00pm. At 6.15pm, the extremely busy vet, literally ran across the car park to them, as Baggy's heart sank when she realised that Pepper wasn't with him. But she didn't need to worry, the vet just wanted to explain a little more about their findings, and to collect Pepper's collar and lead from Furry Mama.

"He's a sweet dog, and he's been ever so good. I'll just go and get him."

"You might want to hang on tight! Because when he spots us, you might get launched!"

Pepper didn't disappoint in that regard, he spotted Furry Mama and Calum from fifty yards away, and started to haul the vet, who (being young and fit), happily ran with him. It was as well that the Pooch hadn't had surgery, because he was so excited to be with his mum and dad, that he was literally leaping in the air, trying to kiss Baggy and Calum on their faces, virtually falling over his own paws in his glee.

It was gone 9.30pm by the time they arrived home, and Furry Mama was relieved when Pepper ate some food for the first time in three days. Baggy on the other hand blew her healthy eating with a much needed comfort-pizza, and two delicious custard tarts. 

Today, Furry Mama was determined to make the Pooch feel normal once more, so in spite of the pouring rain, Furry Mama and Calum took him to the beach for a swim and a ball chasing session. As Grotty Groom and Cal wanted to ride later, they decided to wear their jodphurs to the beach. This was a mistake - it was blooming freezing! But at least this meant that the beach was pretty much deserted.

It was a lovely walk, but by the time they got home, Baggy just couldn't get warm, and in the end put the heating on (feeling terribly guilty about it because it is officially summer). The Domestic Goddess decided to try to warm Baggy up with a cup of tea. She needed to get some more milk out of the fridge in the garage, when this happened...

... it hailed! Hard! And for quite a while, so that Baggy decided to run back into the house through it. Stupid mistake - she just could  not get warm and decided to snuggle up under a throw on the sofa, instead of letting Grotty go to the yard.

This was a shame, as today is the fifteenth anniversary of Wesley's "Gotcha Day". It's a further shame, as Calum also then received a phone call from his boss, asking him to return to work on Monday. Obviously, this is necessary, but Clever Bird's first thought was that once again, Grotty might have to stop riding Wesley as she won't have Calum and Joey for support.

But with Baggy's new outlook, Grotty has decided that this weekend, she will ride Wesley, without Joey in the school, and see what happens!

Baggy is going to have to keep the gang exceptionally busy, or Hannah is likely to slip into a decline when Calum is no longer at home. She's got so used to seeing him every day, that not seeing him for five days out of seven once more, is not going to be easy; especially if the news about Pepper is bad. So, Grotty and Furry Mama are going to be key to keeping Hannah happy...

Baggy's current state!

Depression (Black = really bad/Grey = not great/Blue = okay/Yellow = sunny day): Yellow.

Anxiety (From 1 = barely any to 10 = gibbering wreck standard): 3.
Tears: Of relief.
Overall days: Okay.

Note to readers: For the avoidance of any doubt, every character in this blog is Baggy! No Baggy was harmed in its writing, although some of them get pretty confused!

Anxious times once more.

As regular Baggees will be aware, the theme of Baggy's life is that it rarely runs smoothly! Not surprisingly therefore, having allowed Creative Clara to write about how positive and happy the gang was feeling, the inevitable curve-ball flew in. 

Ever since Pepper Pooch's emergency trip to the vet with severe sickness three weeks ago, he has been trying to clear his throat - for want of a better way of describing it. He hasn't been sick since, but he regularly appears to retch, as if he's going to. Freda Fretter has been worrying about it for a while now, and finally decided to speak to the vet about it for the second time, on Tuesday. 

"Do you think you could get a video of him doing it?"

"I can try, but it doesn't last long, so whether I could be quick enough..."

Furry Mama was sitting on the settee next to Pepper, so she switched her phone onto video, and started to stroke his neck. After a minute or so, Pepper began to gag, then retch. Hmmmm! Clever Bird sent the video off to the vet. Shortly afterwards, Furry Mama received a phone call from the vet, who explained that she was concerned that Pepper might have something stuck in his throat. Because this area is so delicate, the only way to know for sure, would be to do a CT scan of his neck, which would require going to a specialist practice. Amazingly, this had been deemed to be urgent enough, that an appointment was made for the next day - today. Naturally, this put Freda into a panic!

Baggy slept appallingly last night, and was up at 7.30 getting ready for a long day. The appointment was for 11.00am in Newmarket, which is a good hour-and-forty-five-minute drive away, so to be safe, they left at 9.00. Pepper sat on Baggy's lap the whole way there, as he is a snuggly Boy, but he could also sense that something was amiss.

Clever Bird had not realised how large the practise was, and it was so busy, that even though there were literally dozens of parking spaces, it took a while to find an empty one.

Once they had finally managed to park, Furry Mama phoned to let them know they'd arrived. Eventually, a vet called back, and had a long chat about Pepper. Then he came out to collect Pepper and to get Baggy to sign the consent form; only the vet had forgotten to bring a lead out for him.

"It's okay, I can walk over with you and take his lead and collar back."

"Okay. Does he normally limp?"

"No! Do you mean his back left foot? He bruised it really badly the other day."

"No, the front right one."

"Oh! That's the one that he cut a few weeks ago."

"Yes, I saw that on his notes, but I doubt it's that."

Having agreed to have a check over of Pepper's leg, the vet took the Boy away, and Hormonal Hannah tried not to cry. Furry Mama played "spot the breed", as she waited for the vet to return - there were probably twenty dogs waiting to be collected, or with nurses, being given a leg stretch. It was incredibly busy!

When the vet eventually reappeared with Pepper's collar and lead, he explained that his initial examination had shown nothing untoward. But also that, unfortunately, there was no CT scan slot available until Friday.

"Oh! What day is it?"

"Wednesday."

"So?"

"Well, either you can take him home and bring him back tomorrow night, or you can leave him here, and with luck, a slot will become available tomorrow. I'll book an endoscopy for Friday as well."

"What would you rather we do?" asked Furry Mama, who was desperate to  take her Boy home, at the same time as Clever Bird realised that this probably wasn't the plan, as the vet had not brought Pepper back out again.

"I think it would be best if you left him here."

Baggy and Calum arrived back at home at 2.30pm, both constantly wondering where the Pooch was, as usually he follows Furry Mama around the house. Freda worried that he might think that they'd abandoned him, and wished she could have explained to him what was happening, and that they would be back for him as soon as they could be. So now they all have a long wait...

To distract Hormonal Hannah who was getting rather distressed about the whole situation, Calum and Grotty Groom headed over to the yard and did their usual, new routine of riding the horses - who were once again, both complete angels.

It is now 8.30pm, and the vet has literally just called. Apparently, he and a senior surgeon have both examined Pepper's throat and neck, and can find no  obvious mass, or blockage, which is good news, so they've decided to do an endoscopy first. This will happen tomorrow at noon. Pepper is anxious, but has let them do all the examinations without any fuss, although he won't eat anything, and is just in his kennel being quiet. Freda explained that this was a sure sign that he was actually very anxious, and to keep an eye on him to make sure he didn't start to chew on his leg.

The vet will call again in the morning. It remains to be seen whether Baggy will get any sleep tonight...

Baggy's current state!

Depression (Black = really bad/Grey = not great/Blue = okay/Yellow = sunny day): Yellow.

Anxiety (From 1 = barely any to 10 = gibbering wreck standard): 6.
Tears: Urrrmm.
Overall days: Worrying.

Note to readers: For the avoidance of any doubt, every character in this blog is Baggy! No Baggy was harmed in its writing, although some of them get pretty confused!

There is nothing to fear, except fear itself.

"Calum, whenever I say that I want to ride Wessles you seem pretty adamant that I shouldn't, or am I imagining that?"

"I just think it's a really bad time to do it."

"Well, I don't mean now, I meant in a few weeks time."

"Yeah well," muttered number one furry, leaving the room in a seeming huff.

Baggy attempted to stop Hormonal Hannah from overreacting, as she sat on the sofa wondering what to do. Grotty Groom so wants to get back on her horse, after over three years of not riding him. But Clever Bird gets it! Wesley is not an easy horse to ride at the best of times, let alone after having years off, but neither Baggy nor he are getting any younger, and because of her arthritis, and Wesley's kissing spine, it's not clear how many more riding years either of them have left in them. The whole coronavirus situation has made Clever Bird more convinced than ever that it's important to live the life that you wish to live, and her love of her horses is a massive part of her life. A little later, having stewed over Cal's comment, she had to ask!

"So, Cal, do you think that I should never ride Wesley again? Only, I'm really worried that if I don't, then you won't ride Joey either."

"Oh I would!"

Clever Bird decided to let it go. After all, it wasn't just Calum who thought that Baggy had a bit of a death wish wanting to get back on her Boy; so does Wesley's physiotherapist, and pretty much everyone who is aware of his and Grotty's history together. Grotty choked back her disappointment, but as she was fairly sure that Baggy could now get into them once more, she made her put her jodphurs on, in preparation for heading off to the yard. To her surprise, Calum also had put his jodphurs on.

"I'd like to give Wesley a bit of a walk around the indoor school Cal, if you're going to ride Joe."

"Rightho! Why don't you put his saddle on him to do it? At least then you'll be able to see whether he's unhappy about it."

"Okay, good plan."

As Grotty walked down to Wesley's paddock, she wondered whether she was about to bring in a wild mustang or a riding school Shetland pony, as there's no knowing with her horse. On a scale of mustang to Shetland, he was at the wild end, as he hauled Baggy to every bit of long luscious grass that he could manage, bashing her arm badly each time Grotty attempted to stop him. When he got to the stableblock, Baggy was yanked straight into the stable opposite his, which contained made up feeds. Eventually she regained control and got him into his own stable. 

When Calum headed off to the indoor school, Wesley nearly flattened Baggy as he spun around the stable, pooing and calling for his brother. Baggy made Grotty take some deep calming breaths, and tacked him up - eventually. The walk down to the school was more of a flying trot, as Grotty attempted to hang onto him, but as soon as he saw Joey being ridden round the school, he let out a huge breath and relaxed. As did Baggy!

Grotty walked Wesley around the school, smiling as she watched Calum riding his Boy for the first time in years. Wesley wandered along with her, sniffing the sand and snorting.

"Why don't you lie over Wesley's back Pen; see what he makes of it?"

Grotty did just that, while Calum held Wesley's reins. Wesley twitched his ears back to her, but didn't react or move.

"Go on then! Sit on him."

Baggy's heart rate shot up, especially when Clever Bird realised that the bridle she was using had no reins attached to it, but she wasn't going to back out now. Two minutes later, having got on Wesley and been led in a tiny circle by Calum, Grotty hopped off and gave her Boy the biggest hug ever. 

The next day, they went again. The sequence of events from leaving the paddock to getting to the school, was virtually identical to the previous day, except that this time, Grotty was determined to get on Wesley again, so used a bridle with reins attached. Wesley was slightly skittish but didn't put a hoof wrong, as Grotty rode him around the arena, next to Joey and Calum. The following day, Wesley came in from the paddock at the Shetland end of the scale, and didn't spin around his stable as Calum and Joey headed off. This time when Grotty mounted him, Wesley was entirely relaxed, and Grotty had a wonderful five minutes, riding him around the school, once again at Joey and Calum's side.

Today was the fourth consecutive day of the routine, and now Wesley knows what it's all about, he is behaving like a model horse! So chilled indeed were both Wesley and Baggy, that Grotty decided to leave the safety-blanket of Calum and Joey, and do a bit of solo work. It was wonderful, and Wesley's ears flicked back to listen to Grotty's every word, as he happily walked around the wonderful indoor school for ten minutes.

"Take some pictures Cal please." See Baggees - totally chilled!!

Clever Bird cannot explain how wonderful it is for Grotty to be around horses. But truthfully, the moment she is with them, there is literally nothing else in the world - Baggy's entire focus is in the moment - no stress, no coronavirus, no worries, nothing, except "being" with her horses. And look how chilled the horse that many think she shouldn't ride anymore is!

Clever Bird is so pleased with Grotty, and with Calum for letting her get back on her Boy, in spite of his concerns. And she's delighted that Wesley seems not to be suffering any back pain currently. So the plan now is to keep this up, gradually building up his and Joey's work, as their muscles develop once more. It's amazing to Clever Bird, that the very real fear of death felt by Hormonal Hannah when Covid-19 was first identified as being in England, has resulted now in this new attitude that she's going to live her life! Yes, there's a risk riding a horse - there's a larger risk riding a sharp, spooky horse like Wesley - there's a larger risk still, when that horse has occasional severe pain in his back, but, it's a risk that Grotty is prepared to take when it makes her so happy. And it seems to make him happy too.

In a similar vein, Furry Mama is also back in proper action, taking the Pooch to the beach each day. It's so easy to social distance there, that it's more than worth the short journey to  get there.

And while Baggy is at the beach, Calum has been working his socks off. This is today's project: starting to dismantle the wall that is falling apart.

These exceptionally weird times, are proving to be incredibly positive for Baggy, and she's feeling wonderfully positive about the future...

Baggy's current state!

Depression (Black = really bad/Grey = not great/Blue = okay/Yellow = sunny day): Yellow.

Anxiety (From 1 = barely any to 10 = gibbering wreck standard): 2.
Tears: Happy ones.
Overall days: Wonderful.

Note to readers: For the avoidance of any doubt, every character in this blog is Baggy! No Baggy was harmed in its writing, although some of them get pretty confused!