Baggy's daily state!
Depression (Black = really bad/Grey = not great/Blue = okay/Yellow = sunny day): Blue.
Anxiety (From 1 = barely any to 10 = gibbering wreck standard): 6.
Tears: Noooooooo.
Time moved on slowly. Thursday was Baggy preparation day one - eat only the following (having rejected boiled chicken and steamed fish): eggs, cheese, butter, white bread and white potatoes without the skin. Breakfast: buttered toast. Lunch: three slices of eggy-bread. Supper: cheese omelette with tinned new potatoes fried in butter. Bedtime snack: buttered toast. Washed down all day with litres of blackcurrant squash! By the end of this, Baggy had eaten seven slices of bread and six eggs! Furry Mama struggled slightly to walk the pooch on the beach as she had little energy, and as for resisting a cappuccino at the beach café - difficult!
By the end of the day, Clever Bird suspects due to caffeine withdrawal, Baggy had a splitting headache, so went to bed at nine. She woke to the alarm at 8.30am in order to take her happy pill and have some breakfast, before starting the cleansing process. She decided to re-read the instructions for the day, as she ate her buttered toast, only to realise that it said she was to eat 'no solid food for at least two hours before the first preparation' that had to be started at 10.00am. Sigh! Fortunately, she'd eaten only half of one slice, so the rest went in the bin. From 10.00am until 4.00pm Baggy drank 3-litres of Klean Prep washed down with three litres of lime cordial. Let's just say Baggees that it tastes disgusting! Trying not to be sick after every mouthful of the vile stuff was not easy for Baggy, but she did it. In the leaflet it also said, 'Make sure that you are near a toilet', so Baggy had a day of flopping about watching telly, trying to entertain Pepper, while making friends with her loo! So to make herself feel better, Baggy gave Hormonal Hannah a bit of a pamper day. Washed her hair under a long warm shower. Said, 'Good bye' to 'the boys' on her legs, with her recently purchased epilator (genius invention!!). Plastered her in body lotion. Gave her a face mask, a manicure and a pedicure. And in between shooting to the loo, relaxed on the sofa!
Although the drink was ghastly, Freda Fretter is happy to say that it really wasn't that bad. Now this might well be because Baggy is used to anticipating when her stomach is going to suddenly unleash the Niagara Falls thanks to a mushroom reaction, or a lettuce leaf that didn't like her, so she was always well ahead of the torrent. Clever Bird also suspects that it's because Baggy, for as long as she can remember now, has had to get up and go to the loo, four or five times a night (fortunately, number one furry is a sound sleeper, and Baggy can do Ninja-silent moves getting in and out of bed); meaning that by the morning, 90% of the previous day's food has already departed Baggy's body. So after the first torrent or two, it was pretty much like having a wash-out with a hose pipe. 👾 As a result, Baggy did not even have the 'inevitable' sore bottom!!
Number one furry got home from work at 8.00, so after a quick catch-up, by 9.00 Baggy was so hungry that she decided to go to bed. She finally got to sleep at midnight. Was woken at 1.00 by random cars going past the house. Then again at 4.00, by a car and trailer!! Bearing in mind that Baggy's house is on an old, un-adopted track, this is a little worrying: Freda Fretter and the neighbours are thinking drug dealers! 😕 Baggy couldn't get back to sleep and listened to Calum getting up and the birds singing, while she waited for the alarm to go off at 6.00. By 7.00, Pepper Pooch was with the neighbours and Baggy and Cal were on their way to Ipswich hospital. They were there for 7.45, for Baggy's 9.20 appointment, but Freda Fretter wasn't risking them being late. She'd just sat down for a wait in the endoscopy department, and she was called through to get changed and do paper work. As she kissed Cal good bye, at 8.00, she didn't get a chance to worry too much and told him that she'd be keeping her eyes shut.
Baggy finally went into theatre at 10.30. She opted to have a sedative - a very wise move, it has to be said! As the doctor explained what was going to happen for the gastroscopy, Freda distracted Baggy from paying much attention. Then the doctor said that she needed to explain to Baggy how to breathe during the procedure! Freda decided to listen. She had a plastic guard put in her mouth to hold it open and all Grotty Groom could think was how horrible it must be for Wesley and Joey when the dentist shoves one in their mouths, to rasp their teeth. Breathing was okay, but when she was told how to swallow, she couldn't do it for love nor money! 'Well don't worry too much, just remember to breathe,' said the doctor as they shoved an oxygen feed up Baggy's nose and sedative into her cannula. Truth be told Baggees, it wasn't very pleasant. Baggy gagged and choked, and kept forgetting to breathe all the way through it, while the doctor explained what she was seeing. It was a scary sensation, not painful really, but scary, as Freda felt as though Baggy was suffocating. But it was over extremely quickly - probably less than ten minutes. Phew! Clever Bird vaguely remembered the doctor talking about an ulcer.
Mouth guard taken out. More sedative pumped in and some weird painkiller patch stuck on Baggy's other hand. Change of position and Baggy was ready for the colonoscopy. Now Freda was dreading this one, as she'd been told it hurts, and would hurt even more because of Baggy's Lawrence-the-durmoid-cyst and hysterectomy surgery. Baggy tensed up and the nurse said to try to relax. Hmmmm. As the camera was inserted, Baggy cringed with the pain - 'that would be the haemorrhoids', thought Clever Bird, but almost instantly it stopped hurting. In fact it didn't hurt at all for the rest of the procedure, and Clever Bird found herself watching everything on the screen in total fascination. 'Ooooo, it's like watching the telly isn't it? I told my husband that I wouldn't be looking but it's fascinating!'
'Lots of people say that. But I must say, you deserve a gold star for your cleansing preparation. I can't remember the last time I saw such a clean bowel.'
Baggy did a little quiet preen, while Freda thanked Heaven that the toast hadn't caused a problem. Clever Bird watched as the doctor removed a polyp and wandered around all the bendy bits of Baggy's insides with her camera. The NHS team were all lovely, and Baggy was in the recovery room at a little after 11.00.
Once the sedative had worn off and Baggy had had the most delicious cup of tea in the history of the universe, the nurse came to tell her what the results were. Ready for this Baggees?
The results of the gastroscopy
- A hiatus hernia. 'Oh, I don't remember one of those being mentioned - what is it?'
- A gastric ulcer - probably benign and non-bleeding, which the doctor dealt with.
- Five small antral erosions (whatever they are).
- She took four biopsies and has sent the ulcer off for biopsy as well.
'You're also not to use aspirin or ibuprofen ever again. And you need to collect a prescription up from the pharmacy to help the ulcer to heal, then come back in six to eight weeks for another gastroscopy.'
'Oh really? Heck!'
The results of the colonoscopy
- Mild haemorrhoids - 'Only mild? That's a worry' thought Freda.
- One polyp sessile, which was removed and sent for biopsy.
And breathe! So, aside from the fact that Baggy is falling apart at the seams, so far there is no indication of anything terribly serious - hopefully anyway. Clearly there are six lots of biopsy results to wait for and Clever Bird realises that there is still no definitive answer as to why Baggy is so anaemic - mild haemorrhoids and a non-bleeding ulcer don't appear to be an answer! However, even Hormonal Hannah is convinced that all is well, and that Baggy may need to change her eating, oh and of course lose some weight. However as Calum has been shopping and bought a ton of comfort food, that can wait for another day. Baggy is just about to eat her sweet and salted popcorn and drink a cup of decaf. (see Clever Bird has made one change already Baggees) tea, while Freda Fretter gets on t'internet to check out stuff!...