Depression (Black = really bad/Grey = not great/Blue = okay/Yellow = sunny day): Grey.
Anxiety (From 1 = barely any to 10 = gibbering wreck standard): 9.
Tears: Yes, as she had a total meltdown this morning.
Overall day: It improved.
Clever Bird has decided to reintroduce Hormonal Hannah's "Feelings Chart", because it's more honest than the rose-tinted spectacles view of life, that Creative Clara is feeling the need to promote at the moment. This need is twofold, firstly there's too much awful stuff to read at present, without Clara adding to it, and secondly, just writing about how she's actually feeling currently, makes her feel even worse. The chart will enable Baggees who wish to do so, to read between the lines...
Why Hannah woke today in such a bad place, is anybody's guess, but had the world been normal, and had she visited her doctor, she would almost certainly have been persuaded to go back onto some form of antidepressant. But as it isn't normal, and she couldn't visit her doctor if she wanted to, there was no need for Clever Bird to decline drugs; which although they help her no end mentally, were destroying the lining of Baggy's stomach. Instead, after admitting to number one furry, that she was scared of her own shadow today, Baggy made Hannah have a nice long hot shower, before getting her to do ten-minutes of meditation. Now Hannah is extremely new to this, so it's taking a bit of doing, but it helped enough to persuade her that she should let Furry Mama take Pepper Pooch out for a walk - even though it was mid-morning.
Calum was off to brave a shopping trip, armed with The Domestic Goddess's shopping list, so Furry Mama decided it would be good to get out for a while; largely prompted by an earlier conversation she'd had with the Pooch.
"Haz I dun sumthin rong mum?"
"I wish I could explain what's going on Peps. I know it's not fair."
"Haz I den?"
"You haven't done anything wrong baby, you're a good boy."
"So y downt u take me to de sandy plase no morr?"
"I wish we could go to the beach. I miss it as much as you do, but we can't drive there."
"I cud still ave me ball tho."
"It's all too much isn't it? I know you don't understand why you can't have your tennis ball either, but I need to save your teeth. It's a bit of a disaster that the two things have happened together."
"Iz really not me den?"
"You're being ever so good. You are - I love you."
"I noze dat mum. I luv u. I juz go an lie down agen den."
"Do you want to go for a walk?"
"Stoopid qwestyun mum - lez go! Now! Now! Now!"
"I'll take that as a yes then. Stop jumping on me, I need to get my boots on."
Furry Mama and Pepper Pooch headed out of the house. Twenty yards up the lane they met their first person, then another. Freda Fretter stopped and waited, and watched three other people heading towards them from three different paths. Hannah started to freak out. Baggy's heart was racing so fast that she thought she might pass out, as she struggled to breathe properly.
"I'm really sorry Scooch, I can't do this," said Furry Mama doing a rapid u-turn and heading back to the house to get away from everyone.
"Iz okay mum. I stay wiv u."
Calum was just about to drive off, when Baggy banged on his window.
"Are you okay?"
"No, sorry. I can't do it. It's just too busy."
"Hop in! I'll take you to the footpath."
Pepper Pooch and Furry Mama were dropped off on a quiet lane, next to an isolated footpath. They had a pleasant walk across fields, where they saw only cows, sheep, pheasants, rabbits and chirping birds. It was only when they reached the massive park in Halesworth that they started to encounter people (quite a lot of them), but there was more than enough room to stay yards away from each other. An hour later, they were home, and Hannah was no longer causing Baggy to tremble from head to toe.
Calum arrived home shortly afterwards, loaded down with the week's shopping. He'd managed to get pretty much everything on the list, so The Domestic Goddess set to, and made a Goulash Soup and Savoury Slices from her programme cookery book. That's the lunches sorted for a few days. And being in control of at least one aspect of Baggy's life, helps Hannah to become calmer...
Note to readers: For the avoidance of any doubt, every character in this blog is Baggy! No Baggy was harmed in its writing, although some of them get pretty confused!
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