Appreciate what you have.

Admittedly Baggy is under quite a significant amount of stress at the moment, but she's still surprised and disappointed at how quickly her depression and anxiety have reappeared. Clever Bird was convinced that she had Hormonal Hannah under control; the new routine is certainly helping. However, truthfully, for the last few days it's been a major effort persuading Baggy that she needed to get out of the house. The freezing temperatures have been an easy excuse for Hormonal Hannah to use to keep her indoors, thankfully though, Furry Mama insists that Pepper Pooch needs to go out. What's more, Freda Fretter is too worried that the pooch will have a nasty accident, or get poorly, from swimming in the old quarry pits at the back of Baggy's house, so Baggy takes them to the beach.

Today was a real case in point. Baggy woke up feeling terribly down. And tired! Baggy would be intrigued to know how it feels to sleep for more than two hours at a time. Or even to sleep at all, without very vivid, unpleasant, or even truly disturbing dreams. Last night she woke, and got up nine times during the ten hours that she was in bed for. Each time, Bracket kat, who is clearly missing Hinge cat as much as Furry Mama is, insists on repositioning herself in bed with Baggy. Bearing in mind that the pooch is also stretched across a large majority of the bed, usually on Baggy's left, having Bracket in bed with her, on her right, is probably not assisting Baggy's sleep patterns.

At least Baggy is in the fortunate position of no longer having to go to work each day, because frankly she'd have no chance! After her morning chat on the phone with number one furry, and a good blub once she'd hung up, she forced herself to get showered and dressed. Her new routine means that Pepper is then instantly geared-up to go out, and will literally jump on her if she sits down and looks as though she may not be venturing anywhere. Annoying as this is, having 22kg of over-excited pooch jumping not just on her lap, but on her head, never fails to make Furry Mama laugh - the lad does like a cuddle. It's enough to chivvy an anxious Hannah out of the door.

Southwold today was totally stunning. The beach itself was covered in crystals of ice. There was literally not a cloud in the sky. The sun was out. The sea was so flat-calm, that it looked like a mirror. The tide was out. The pooch was totally focussed on the ball. The ground was frozen, but the sun was warm. Furry Mama smiled at the pooch's antics, while Hannah cried her eyes out. Why? No clue Baggees. But by the time they'd got to the pier, even Hannah felt better - more 'normal'. So she decided to treat herself to a cappuccino. And for once, sitting in the sun, looking out across the beach, she appreciated every little thing that she could see.

And maybe that's the crux of it. Baggy is not consciously worrying about her eyesight, but that's because she's doing her usual thing, of not believing that anything can be seriously wrong with her. It's worked so far. Lawrence was just some, toothy, hairy, cyst, not a cancer. Her broken pelvis, was just severe bruising, as she told the heli-doctor. But this time, Freda's not so sure - glaucoma is usually caused by pressure build up in the front of the eye (Baggy has normal pressure). It affects the peripheral vision - Baggy's is perfect. So maybe she doesn't have glaucoma, maybe her optic nerve is bleeding for a different reason. So stupid Clever Bird couldn't resist doing a bit of a Google search - hopeless. Pointless, for many reasons. Not to mention, scary! It's only five days until Baggy sees a specialist, and hopefully it will be good news, but in the meantime she just can't help thinking that her subconscious worrying, is what's caused her black cloud to have reappeared.

Thank goodness that tomorrow is Friday, and number one furry will be home - it's been a long week without him, she can't wait to see him.......

Note to readers: For the avoidance of any doubt, every character in this blog is Baggy! No Baggy was harmed in its writing, although some of them get pretty confused!

Depression: Struggling.
Anxiety: Bad.
Tears: Loads.
Smiles: A few.

New starts.

Clever Bird decided that an experiment was in order. Creative Clara was struggling with her current blog, as it kept freezing due to a 'long running script'. It also wouldn't save. So Clara can type for hours and then find that the blog has vanished! As it's hundreds of posts long, Clever Bird wondered if a new start was in order. So she set up a new blog, and it seemed that it might have been that her blog was too long, as the new blog had not frozen once as she typed it!  Unlike Baggy's county, which is currently finally experiencing a touch of winter.

Clara was about to publish it, when she realised she hadn't added her little 'Baggy Panel' at the bottom. So as usual she copied and pasted it, amending her depression, anxiety etc ratings - instantly the blog froze! Hmmm. So, she's sticking with this blog for now, and will keep an eye on how many times she can copy and paste something, before it crashes the system!

Baggy was up and about at 7.30am today, much to Pepper and Bracket's consternation. To be truthful, that's largely down to Hormonal Hannah's nightmares, and Baggy trying to avoid the sequel, but it meant that Creative Clara was packing her latest etsy Realuv, parcel up to send off to San Fransisco by 8.00, and at Southwold beach by 9.30.

Baggy had had the sense to dress Furry Mama properly! As well as thermal long johns under Grotty Groom's jodphurs, and a thermal top under her long-sleeved t-shirt, she also had on three thick jumpers, scarf, hat and gloves! But at least she was toasty. It was a stunning day, and as per usual the pooch couldn't get enough of his ball.

They spent a happy hour-and-a-half walking to the pier and back.

 

 



Then once Furry Mama had wrapped a very cold soggy pooch up in his bathrobe, and covered him in a blanket (forty-year old campervans have no heating, so she covered herself in a blanket too), Baggy drove Grotty Groom over to the yard. It was a flying visit - Grotty dropped off her sparkly clean grooming kit, and gave the Boys a few treats and a pat, but it was far too cold for anything else. Besides which, Clara had to go and empty her cabinet in the vintage shop, having decided that she will focus on Realuv.

It almost went horribly wrong, when Billy Bob Jalopy campervan started to judder, and Clever Bird realised that Baggy was driving on fumes, but she made it to the petrol station - just. Cabinet emptied. Parcel posted. Pepper Pooch-food bought from the vets. Home. Lunch. Then yucky, yuck, yuck, The Domestic Goddess went back to her de-cluttering of her 'office'.

Trust Clara when she tells you that this is amazingly good Baggees! It has taken her ten days of efforts to get to this stage. However, after an hour, Baggy had major eyeball-ache, and decided to have a little lie down. Two hours later she woke to a bleeping answerphone, and a message from number one furry who was driving back down from Glasgow, but at least her head had stopped hurting......

Note to readers: For the avoidance of any doubt, every character in this blog is Baggy! No Baggy was harmed in its writing, although some of them get pretty confused!

Depression: Manageable.
Anxiety: Okay.
Tears: None.
Smiles: Lots.

Another urgent hospital appointment.

Well Baggees, apologies for the lack of blogs recently, but the truth is that the new routine (successful as it continues to be), is taking up a substantial proportion of Baggy's day! Baggy had her doctor's visit last Thursday. It went well. Hormonal Hannah managed not to cry, and the doctor commented that Baggy looked better than she had seen her looking before. She was also reassuring about Baggy's glaucoma, saying that 'they'll be able to treat it.' Being the excellent doctor that she is, she wants to see Baggy again at Easter (whenever that is this year), or sooner if Hormonal Hannah starts to go downhill again.

Meanwhile, the wonderful NHS has already leapt into action, and just three weeks after being referred, Baggy will be seeing a specialist doctor at Ipswich hospital, on Tuesday about her eyes. Of course this has set Freda Fretter worry - gutting, because the appointment was so fast, but Clever Bird knows that the faster they start to treat glaucoma, the better. Baggy did say to her doctor, 'Well, if I'm going blind, at least it means that I'll get another dog.' Which was when she laughingly said, that they could treat it. So Hannah's current anxiety, is more the irrational kind.

Baggy's doctor was delighted with Hannah's new routine, and agreed that the beach was the best kind of positive therapy. She was even more impressed that Grotty Groom was back riding. In fact, even Clever Bird was pretty impressed when she realised that on Saturday, Grotty had merrily hopped onto Joey in the indoor school for twenty minutes, and had trotted him for quite a chunk of that time. Why was that impressive you ask? Well, because Hannah had totally forgotten that the last time that Grotty (or anyone) had last sat on Joey, was before Christmas. Frankly, that horse is a superstar! Clever Bird cannot understand why the Irish Draught is an endangered breed - they are the most amazing horses.

As Grotty had it pointed out to her today, that she had ruined her very expensive clippers, by leaving them in a damp shed, she also couldn't remember the last time that she had cleaned Wesley's grooming kit, so just now The Domestic Goddess tackled it! Yet again the day has gone, and writing a blog is becoming more of a trial every time Creative Clara does one, not because she doesn't like doing it, but because Blogger seems to be playing up, so she may need to start a new blog - watch this space........




Note to readers (my lovely Baggees): For the avoidance of any doubt - every character in this blog is me!!! No Baggy was harmed in its writing.

Baggy's daily state!
Depression (Black = really bad/Grey = not great/Blue = okay/Yellow = sunny day): Grey.
Anxiety (From 1 = barely any to 10 = gibbering wreck standard): 5. 
Tears: Yeah sadly.
Baggy: 214.