Appreciate what you have.

Admittedly Baggy is under quite a significant amount of stress at the moment, but she's still surprised and disappointed at how quickly her depression and anxiety have reappeared. Clever Bird was convinced that she had Hormonal Hannah under control; the new routine is certainly helping. However, truthfully, for the last few days it's been a major effort persuading Baggy that she needed to get out of the house. The freezing temperatures have been an easy excuse for Hormonal Hannah to use to keep her indoors, thankfully though, Furry Mama insists that Pepper Pooch needs to go out. What's more, Freda Fretter is too worried that the pooch will have a nasty accident, or get poorly, from swimming in the old quarry pits at the back of Baggy's house, so Baggy takes them to the beach.

Today was a real case in point. Baggy woke up feeling terribly down. And tired! Baggy would be intrigued to know how it feels to sleep for more than two hours at a time. Or even to sleep at all, without very vivid, unpleasant, or even truly disturbing dreams. Last night she woke, and got up nine times during the ten hours that she was in bed for. Each time, Bracket kat, who is clearly missing Hinge cat as much as Furry Mama is, insists on repositioning herself in bed with Baggy. Bearing in mind that the pooch is also stretched across a large majority of the bed, usually on Baggy's left, having Bracket in bed with her, on her right, is probably not assisting Baggy's sleep patterns.

At least Baggy is in the fortunate position of no longer having to go to work each day, because frankly she'd have no chance! After her morning chat on the phone with number one furry, and a good blub once she'd hung up, she forced herself to get showered and dressed. Her new routine means that Pepper is then instantly geared-up to go out, and will literally jump on her if she sits down and looks as though she may not be venturing anywhere. Annoying as this is, having 22kg of over-excited pooch jumping not just on her lap, but on her head, never fails to make Furry Mama laugh - the lad does like a cuddle. It's enough to chivvy an anxious Hannah out of the door.

Southwold today was totally stunning. The beach itself was covered in crystals of ice. There was literally not a cloud in the sky. The sun was out. The sea was so flat-calm, that it looked like a mirror. The tide was out. The pooch was totally focussed on the ball. The ground was frozen, but the sun was warm. Furry Mama smiled at the pooch's antics, while Hannah cried her eyes out. Why? No clue Baggees. But by the time they'd got to the pier, even Hannah felt better - more 'normal'. So she decided to treat herself to a cappuccino. And for once, sitting in the sun, looking out across the beach, she appreciated every little thing that she could see.

And maybe that's the crux of it. Baggy is not consciously worrying about her eyesight, but that's because she's doing her usual thing, of not believing that anything can be seriously wrong with her. It's worked so far. Lawrence was just some, toothy, hairy, cyst, not a cancer. Her broken pelvis, was just severe bruising, as she told the heli-doctor. But this time, Freda's not so sure - glaucoma is usually caused by pressure build up in the front of the eye (Baggy has normal pressure). It affects the peripheral vision - Baggy's is perfect. So maybe she doesn't have glaucoma, maybe her optic nerve is bleeding for a different reason. So stupid Clever Bird couldn't resist doing a bit of a Google search - hopeless. Pointless, for many reasons. Not to mention, scary! It's only five days until Baggy sees a specialist, and hopefully it will be good news, but in the meantime she just can't help thinking that her subconscious worrying, is what's caused her black cloud to have reappeared.

Thank goodness that tomorrow is Friday, and number one furry will be home - it's been a long week without him, she can't wait to see him.......

Note to readers: For the avoidance of any doubt, every character in this blog is Baggy! No Baggy was harmed in its writing, although some of them get pretty confused!

Depression: Struggling.
Anxiety: Bad.
Tears: Loads.
Smiles: A few.