Is depression really an illness?

Note to readers (my lovely Baggetts): For the avoidance of any doubt - every character in this blog is me!!! No Baggy was harmed in its writing.

Baggy's daily state!
Depression (Black = really bad/Grey = not great/Blue = okay/Yellow = sunny day): Black.
Anxiety (From 1 = barely any to 10 = gibbering wreck standard): 7.
Tears: Some sneaky out ones.
Overall day: Hard.

Apologies baggetts if Creative Clara is repeating herself but living with a Hormonal Hannah, or Horace in your life, is not easy. Just because everything looks okay on the surface, doesn't mean that it is okay. But the guilt of even thinking like that! It's no big deal is it? "Feeling a bit blue". "Feeling totally panicked". "Feeling hopeless". "Worthless". "Feeling sick inside that you don't know why on Earth you feel like this". It's not as if it's a "proper" illness is it? It's not as if it's stopping you functioning is it? Well actually, yes it is and yes it is. But your Hannah isn't really that bad is she Baggy? Not compared to some people's Hannahs and Horaces. You've always functioned haven't you? Held down jobs? Well actually that's highly debateable Clever Bird - exactly how many times did you get made redundant or "let go"?
"I think that's a little unreasonable Creative Clara!"
"Is it? Is it really? Do you even know the answer to the question?"
"Urrrrm, well no. Too many times to remember".
"And do you remember the post-redundancy counselling you had on two occasions?"
"I do".
"Where they told you that you were inappropriately acting out all the angst from your personal life in your work life?"
"Yes".
"Do you not think that's relevant Clever Bird?"
"Okay Clara. Point made. Thanks for nothing".

But it's still true. Baggy's Hannah is really not that bad. But she's bad enough. Today for example, she is once again making Baggy suffer from serious amounts of guilt. Guilt that Calum works his little socks off to provide for her and all the furries and she contributes virtually nothing. Guilt that if it wasn't for Grotty Groom's refusal to even consider letting the Boys go, this would not matter. Guilt that Hormonal Hannah's severe depression when Minty Mutt was dying and had to be put to sleep, meant that even though it was an expense they didn't need, they now have Pepper Pooch in their lives. Guilt that he has allergies and that means even more expense to treat him. Guilt that Clever Bird now can't easily (even if she ever could), get some kind of a job, because the pooch has such bad separation anxiety, that he can't be left. Guilt that Clever Bird is failing to come up with any kind of a reasonable solution to this problem. It then rapidly develops into guilt about her whole life. Then it starts to debilitate her, even when she doesn't realise consciously that that's what's happening. Take today for instance, Baggy went over to the yard. Grotty Groom wanted to see her Boys and Furry Mama wanted to play with the pooch in the dry of the indoor school.

They drove over there. Furry Mama had a lovely time with the pooch. But when Grotty went to see her beloved Wessles and the gorgeous Joey, Hormonal Hannah started to get all panicky. Baggy's heart started to race. She felt a huge pressure on her chest. She struggled to get her breath. Then she got all over heated. Guilt. Grotty gave both Boys a very quick stroke, Polo mints and a couple of carrots, then Hannah made her leave. Even more guilt because she left. Ever since, she got home she's been dwelling on it. Dwelling on the guilt. So baggetts, if you have a Hannah or Horace in your life, Baggy feels for you. It's hard. But the fact is you're far from on your own. And the guilt is as irrational as the feeling that your depression or anxiety is not a real illness. Hang on in there, to live with this hidden illness and be able to get on with your life means that you are way stronger than you think you are, so try to love your Hannahs and Horaces.............