On this rather blowy day, thanks to the lovely Hormonal Hannah, Baggy is lacking much get-up-and-go. The bad news being that her anxiety levels are getting to volcanic eruption level, and the black cloud is well and truly back. For those Baggees who are in the happy position of not having to deal with mental health issues, what this means in reality for Baggy is:
- Baggy is having extremely vivid nightmares every night! Calum leaving her. People trying to murder her. Pepper Pooch being stolen. Being in prison. Stuck on a ship that is sinking, while being chased by aliens, who she needs to kill before they kill her and Pepper. Ghosts chasing her. Being in a war zone - you know the sort of thing.
- So she's scared to go to sleep.
- So she's staying up later and later.
- Then even when she's exhausted, she can't get to sleep.
- In the morning she can't wake up, and doesn't want to get out of bed.
- If it wasn't for Pepper, she probably wouldn't.
- Once up, she's stiff and achy, with headaches and a shaky, panicky sick feeling.
- And the cloud - that feeling that today the world, her world, will somehow end, and that's all she deserves anyhow.
- This in turn leads to a form of agoraphobia, which yesterday stopped Baggy from venturing further than the garden.
Today, as the pooch only got to chase his ball in the garden yesterday, (whilst Gloria Gardener risked life and limb burning leaves in a gale force wind, wearing extremely baggy, 100% polyester trousers - stupid woman), Furry Mama promised him a beach trip. But first, Grotty Groom wanted to see her Boys. Truthfully Baggees, that took some doing! Mental illness is harsh. All Hannah wanted Baggy to do was to hide away. Thank Heaven for the pooch. One look at Furry Mama with those big brown soppy eyes, and even Hannah wanted to take him out.
By the time Baggy got to the yard, she was in a total panic. The pooch took Furry Mama to the school, and leapt on her until she threw his ball. Baggy phoned number one furry, for her morning chat. She started to blub. She felt awful - guilt for feeling so bad; guilt for making Calum worry; guilt for feeling guilty; worry that she'd upset Calum; worry that he'd stop loving her etc etc. The pooch was worn out and hot, so Baggy went and had a cup of tea with Pauline and Sam at the yard. Hannah started to feel less panicky. Then Grotty went to see her beautiful Boys.
She spent a happy while grooming them both, while the pooch spent a not so happy while, trying to be brave!
By now, Hannah was feeling almost okay. Okay enough to take Pepper to the beach as a reward for being so good. Freda Fretter made Baggy drive very slowly, as to say that it was windy, would be like saying that the Sahara Desert is warm. Today's choice was Dunwich.
After a brisk(ish) walk along the beach (in the sea), Hannah was no longer anxious, and Baggy was back to her happy self. Home to some lunch. Calum called. He wanted a hug. 'Where are you?'
'At the top yard.'
'Oh, okay, on my way.'
Calum, the pooch and Baggy, all felt better for a quick hug, although Hannah wondered whether all he really wanted was the milk and ginger nuts Baggy took for him. See - the woman is mental! Quick detour to the village shop to buy Baggy some more milk on the way home.
The pooch walked back into the house and hopped straight on the sofa for a snooze. Clever Bird called the doctors for Baggy's blood test results. Her iron levels have improved!! Yay! Her haemoglobin level, which was 92 two weeks ago is now '11' which as this is an improvement must mean that it's 110. So still anaemic, but if the iron is now working that quickly, hopefully they will soon be back to normal! To celebrate, Baggy went to sleep for two hours!! No nightmares!
Quick check on the new Facebook Group The Baggees' Forum - there are now 128 Baggees in the group, which is lovely. Creative Clara is sharing extra stuff on there and Baggees are sharing too. It's fun! So please do join us (no one is refused entry 👀 ). I would love to 'meet' you Baggees who I know are in Peru, India, Ukraine, Canada, Ireland, United Arab Emirates, Belgium, Philippines, France, Portugal, Poland, and the USA, and all the other countries I know you view from. Thank you all so much!
Then Facebook offered Baggy a page to promote her stuff, so she set up a Baggy Body World page, where she can share new things about her shop, the vintage fairs and gift fairs she'll be at, her holiday cottage for let, and her novel, if Creative Clara ever finishes it!
Next, a bit of creativity:
Because we all need a fairy in our lives.......
Note to readers (my lovely Baggees): For the avoidance of any doubt - every character in this blog is me!!! No Baggy was harmed in its writing.Baggy's daily state!
Depression (Black = really bad/Grey = not great/Blue = okay/Yellow = sunny day): Grey.
Anxiety (From 1 = barely any to 10 = gibbering wreck standard): 9.
Tears: Maybe.
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