Confusing day.

Note to readers (my lovely Baggees): For the avoidance of any doubt - every character in this blog is me!!! No Baggy was harmed in its writing.

Baggy's daily state!
Depression (Black = really bad/Grey = not great/Blue = okay/Yellow = sunny day): Grey.
Anxiety (From 1 = barely any to 10 = gibbering wreck standard): 9.
Tears: Yes.
Overall day: Confusing.

Instead of waking up with Furry Mama in an excited mood this morning; Baggy woke up with Hormonal Hannah in a total panic about going to the doctor's. But it was worth it. In a matter of a few minutes she had got a lot of information out of Baggy - enough to decide a) to change Hannah's happy pills and b) to decide, (Creative Clara quotes), that Hannah "needs some serious help". So happy pills are now Setraline, that frankly have a way scarier information leaflet than Citalopram so Clever Bird decided not to read it all. And she has to get in touch with the Suffolk Welfare people and if they can't help, she'll be referred to the practise counsellor. Freda Fretter is really not sure that Baggy can cope with much more therapy, but the doctor was clearly concerned enough that she is suppressing something very traumatic, that she thinks that she needs help. She also gave Baggy lots of information to read about trying to get ready for sleep - including not letting Creative Clara on t'internet after 8.00pm.

Clever Bird convinced Baggy on the way home that this was nonsense - Hannah would be better off leaving everything in the past and getting on with her life. But there's a really large flaw in that logic. Well two actually. Firstly, she can't leave whatever it is in the past, because it's stuck, hidden in her inner psyche so she doesn't actually know what "it" is, and secondly, because of Hannah's nightmares, Baggy is now convincing herself of all kinds of sick, ghastly theories that although even Freda Fretter cannot believe that they are true, need to be accepted or permanently got rid of, in order for Baggy to move on. So on the basis that hard as it was, Baggy's last lot of therapy really helped her a ton, she's prepared to have another go.

Feeling confused, but relieved, Baggy took Furry Mama off to the rescue centre to see Pepper and (hopefully) to take him home. When she arrived at 12.50pm, there was no sign of life. Finally a kennel maid appeared with doggy lunches. "Hi, can I help?"
"Yes, well hopefully I'm here to take Pepper home".
"Oh. Well no one is here at the moment. Do you want to take him for a walk?"
"Okay".

Hormonal Hannah disappeared as soon as Pepper appeared!

 

Furry Mama had a lovely walk with him. The lad has his nose stuck to the ground and whips along at a rate of knots. Baggy has a grin stuck to her face all the time that she is with him.

While avoiding the scary cows, Clever Bird noticed the manager's animal ambulance arrive back. Baggy got excited. Pepper and Furry Mama got back (safely past the scary cows), the manager was on the yard with the kennel maid. Pepper scrambled to get to them, and was taken away. Noooooooooooooooooooo! Hormonal Hannah instantly reappeared. Baggy began to panic. "Oh, can't he come home? Did the vet say he wasn't well enough?"
"No, he's fine, but I have to go somewhere now. Can you take him in the morning instead?"
Furry Mama didn't know whether to laugh or cry. She has to be back tomorrow at 11.00am, which isn't ideal as Baggy's sister is coming in the morning, but will be arriving at around that time. But Baggy was not going to be difficult, because she doesn't want anything to jeopardise Pepper coming home with Furry Mama. Just eighteen more hours. And another night on her own to get through...........