Baggy's daily state!
Depression (Black = really bad/Grey = not great/Blue = okay/Yellow = sunny day): Yellow.
Anxiety (From 1 = barely any to 10 = gibbering wreck standard): 2.
Tears: No.
Overall day: Busy.
Clever Bird has noticed a couple of things on social media this week. Firstly, the "Me too" trending status for women who have at "best" been sexually harassed, but in many cases suffered much more, up to and including rape. She's not entirely sure how she feels about this. Sadly, the truth is that if you are a woman of a certain age, you can pretty much guarantee that you've been sexually harassed at some point, especially if you worked in any kind of male dominated industry. In the eighties and nineties when Baggy was a young professional, that was just how it was. Having to listen to suggestive comments; being "brushed up against"; actually being groped; being discussed (within hearing), about what underwear you might have on that day - all par for the course, pretty much on a daily basis. But it was the norm, and although annoying and sometimes upsetting, you just had to get on with it. It wasn't just the women who were harassed either. Older women in management positions, commenting on the new "young hunk"; pinching male bottoms; making purring noises; in a factory that Baggy worked in when she was a teenager, Baggy witnessed a poor lad being stripped naked by a group of women and locked in a meat fridge - then laughed at hysterically, when the poor guy came out looking a lot less of a man than when he walked in! Awful, but "acceptable". It was a different time.
There was another kind of sexual harassment too. In many ways a much worse one. Baggy experienced it when she was about twenty-five. Her advertising agency had a summer ball for staff and clients. This particular year it was a black tie event. Baggy was an account manager, one up from the lowest rank of account handler. The relatively newly appointed, much older, chief executive of the company, asked Baggy to accompany him to the event, as his (recently acquired) wife was not able to attend. Baggy couldn't think of anything worse! But didn't have a choice. It meant she had to buy a ball gown that she couldn't afford, so that she could meet and greet all the really important clients with him. He said that he'd pick her up from her home! He didn't ask where she lived - obviously just checked the records! Baggy was a smoker at the time, and he regularly helped himself to her fags, even though he "didn't smoke". He arrived at her house with forty cigarettes and two dozen red roses! Baggy panicked. WTF? Did he think she wanted to do this? That it was some kind of weird date? Baggy was polite and chatty, but kept it totally impersonal and professional. She did the meet and greet with him for over an hour, while all her friends and her own clients, got on with partying! But the guy just wouldn't let her go off. In the end one of her own young clients saw her and asked her for a dance. Baggy managed to escape the chief executive. It was a huge outdoor, summer bash. Dodgems, two live bands in different areas, a disco, a comedy act with some really famous bloke, side shows etc etc. Hundreds of people. But Baggy kept being told that "he" was trying to find her! She managed to avoid him for the rest of the night and got a lift home with someone else.
The next day at work, she was called into his office. And basically told off! She was "his date" - "how dare she show him up like that?" - "well she would be sorry". Then like some sulky child he stopped speaking to her, other than to criticise - her work, her appearance, her untidy desk and anything else he could think of. Then he blocked her promotion. Then swapped her on to completely different accounts and started belittling her in front of other staff and clients. This went on for months. It only stopped when one of her clients apparently commented on it to Baggy's boss who was a board director and asked her what was going on! So yeah, sexual harassment - it might be easier to ask who hasn't experienced it - female or male!!
Sexual assault on the other hand (not just of the pat on the bottom kind), is and always has been, and will continue to be, totally unacceptable. It is horrific how many of the "Me toos" are referring to this type of problem. Even to rape. Yet they have not reported it and never discussed it, in many cases. This is horrific and incredibly sad. And way too common. And again it is not just women who have suffered it. But much like mental health issues, people are afraid to talk of such things in case they are seen as "flawed" or damaged. They are afraid to be judged, to be criticised, to be "shamed". But maybe now, people will be able to talk about such things and to move on from them as a result. It is nothing to be ashamed of, no more than having depression is.
Secondly, more than one friend has recently commented on social media that they were miserable because their lives didn't match up to the wonderful lives of their friends. But Clever Bird recognises that social media is the exact opposite of the news! News seems to have to be bad. The worse the better. Bad news sells newspapers, gets people watching it on telly. Call her an ostrich, but Hormonal Hannah stopped reading papers over twenty years ago, and has avoided the television news as well for years now, she can't cope with so much "bad". Social media on the other hand, seems to have to be good. Everyone posts the lovely stuff that they've done. The meals out, the holidays, the parties, anniversaries, birthdays, new children, new pets, new jobs, exam successes, competition wins, lovely days out etc. Baggy is no different. Even in her blog she edits the truth a little. Doesn't totally describe the bad days when her depression is debilitating. Doesn't share some of the very real worries that she has. Why? Well because some stuff is just too bad to share. Creative Clara will also build on the funny stuff for entertainment value. Exaggerate the good stuff for the same reason. Yes baggees, it's lying by omission, kind of, but she does try to share as much as possible, bad as well as good.
But just in the way that so many people have probably never discussed the fact that they are a "Me too", they do not want to share their bad things on social media. And when people do, they tend to do it in a cryptic, non-explanatory way, looking for support, even if it is of the virtual type. It's not easy sharing with the world that you're not perfect; not well; not in a great place; lonely; sad; broke; heartbroken or whatever else is troubling you, and the fact is that most people (especially people who are purely social media "friends"), probably don't want to hear it, they've got enough stuff of their own to deal with. However, there is a lot to be said for the old adage, "A problem shared is a problem halved".
It's also a truth that "You can't read a book by its cover". The face of depression is often a seemingly happy one. The truth is hidden behind the surface. All those smiley photos of people living their wonderful lives are frequently hiding another story. Maybe it's time for more Creative Clara's to share their stuff, it can definitely help to share.
Every day Furry Mama spends with her new darling Pepper is slightly tainted by how much she misses her wonderful Minty Mutt; his loss has devastated her and she feels as though she'll never get over it, but that's not how Creative Clara has been portraying it. She'll probably always feel his loss, but she can't dwell on it because it instantly brings Hormonal Hannah into a really dark place. The "dark" behind the smile...........
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