Waiting.

Note to readers (my lovely Baggees): For the avoidance of any doubt - every character in this blog is me!!! No Baggy was harmed in its writing.

Baggy's daily state!
Depression (Black = really bad/Grey = not great/Blue = okay/Yellow = sunny day): Yellow.
Anxiety (From 1 = barely any to 10 = gibbering wreck standard): 1.
Tears: No.
Overall day: Waiting.

It occurs to Clever Bird that Baggy's daily state, has been nothing but good for days now. No depression; no anxiety. Whether this is down to the new happy pills or to a certain happy puppy, or to both, she doesn't know. Regardless, it's lovely to feel "normal" for once, not constantly sick with worry about nothing in particular, or as though a large weight is squashing her into the ground. Even Hormonal Hannah actually wants to get up out of bed and not waste the day. It's a nice feeling; being "normal". Baggy's still having a few weird dreams, but they're not of the nightmare variety, so she's also getting a bit more sleep, although she does still feel constantly tired. But compared to how she has felt in the last couple of years, she is positively reinvigorated. Having said that, because she does feel more "normal", she's also feeling a bit worthless as well. She feels that she should be doing more. "More what?", you may well ask baggees. Well that's a good question, one that even Clever Bird is not sure of the answer to. More living maybe.

Baggy has a lovely life in lots of ways, but there are a few down sides. The two big ones that now Baggy is feeling more confident are even more obvious to Clever Bird, are that she misses her number one furry terribly when he's away at work all week, and she feels incredibly guilty that she doesn't earn any money. Well she does earn a little bit from her vintage sales and she has a teeny-weeny pension, but it's not enough. If the vintage shop does come off, this will be a major step in the right direction. Hannah wouldn't have been able to do it even a few weeks ago, as her anxiety would have got the best of her, so the fact that it got delayed was a good thing. Now she's determined and Clever Bird has decided that if this opportunity falls through again, she'll find a different shop to be in.

The other down side is that for reasons that even Clever Bird can't get her head around, Grotty Groom (who misses her Wessles a lot), just doesn't seem to want to go and see him and Joey. Admittedly it's a bit more difficult with Pepper Pooch. Furry Mama can't leave him even for a few minutes, so he has to go with her, which makes it impossible for Grotty to do anything other than give the Boys a pat from the other side of their paddock fences. She can't even groom them, so it's probably yet more guilt that's stopping her from going. But she knows they're safe and happy and enjoying being horses, so for now, she needs to try not to feel guilty about it.

Meanwhile Baggy is waiting. Waiting for the gas man to come and service the heating, "between 8.00am and 1.00pm". Having got up at 7.00, Pepper wishes to know why they haven't been out for their walk. To get Furry Mama's attention he looks for things to grab and destroy that will get Freda Fretter to go to him. His favourite is Baggy's reading glasses, which he's had so many times that you'd think by now Baggy would have put them out of his reach. Clever Bird decided when he arrived that she should let him have things it was okay to destroy, like the cardboard centres of the toilet roll. Yeah right! So, so far today he has destroyed two toilet rolls - with the paper on! A CD. A couple of bills. A cat food box. And yes, Baggy's glasses! The left lens now has two holes in it! Fortunately for Baggy, her left eye is so bad, that the lens doesn't even bother to try and help, so Clara is now typing, looking through a hole, but she can see just as well as before. Now Clever Bird needs to make Baggy keep the right lens away from him!

At 11.00, Baggy got a phone call. The gas man does not cometh! He will now be there sometime this afternoon. Furry Mama took Pepper for a long ball throwing session, he might now sleep for a little while, while Baggy continues to wait. Let's hope the gas man has been and gone before Pepper's training tonight............