Baggy's daily state!
Depression (Black = really bad/Grey = not great/Blue = okay/Yellow = sunny day): Blue.
Anxiety (From 1 = barely any to 10 = gibbering wreck standard): 7.
Tears: Yes.
Overall day: Busy.
Another bad night of very disturbing dreams for Baggy. In fact so disturbing that Clever Bird is sending Freda Fretter into a bit of a worried state, and querying if they are actually memories and not dreams. But that doesn't bear thinking about - literally - they are too horrific. But they have brought back an atrocious nightmare from when little Baggy was about nine and a visual "memory" from a similar time. Clever Bird can't help wondering whether there is something in it and that's why her brain has entirely obliterated her childhood from the age of around nine backwards. She's been told that this memory loss is as a result of a traumatic experience. But this would be unthinkable if there were any truth in it and would destroy Baggy's belief of who she is.
Creative Clara is now giving Baggy a panic attack by sharing this! But it's very hard not to relive the "dream" so she's hoping that this might exorcise it. However the question is, does she mention this to the doctor tomorrow or does she try to say, "It was just a dream", or even if it wasn't, "It's in the past" and forget about it? Baggy is what she is - regardless. Isn't she? In spite of her depression and anxiety, she is the happiest she's ever been. Well, not so much this week obviously, but actually, no, maybe even then. Furry Mama misses Minty Mutt constantly, but hard as it is, she does know that he couldn't have carried on in so much pain. She was Blessed to have had him in her life for so long. Baggy has a very lovely life with her furries. Why drag yet more stuff up? Calum is Baggy's rock. At least Baggy is going to talk to the doctor about the happy pills and not ignoring it, so that's progress! But she is so lucky because her number one furry loves her, flaws and issues included!
Meanwhile, in daylight world, Furry Mama could not wait to get over to see Pepper this morning. She couldn't see him yesterday as they're closed on a Monday. He seemed just as excited to see her, as she was to see him. They went for a ramble, then sat together in Billy Bob Jalopy for a while. Baggy didn't stop grinning the whole time that she was with him. He is a real live wire, but he's so sweet. Apparently they are called Boradors in the United States and are bred especially for search and rescue type jobs. Pepper is certainly a waggy-tailed sniffer! But he loves a cuddle. Baggy is already totally in love with him. The vet is going to the centre in the morning and usually leaves at about 12.30pm, so Furry Mama must get there after that to find out whether she can take Pepper Pooch home! She will shortly be looking up the best ways of introducing a rescue dog to the home cats.
In the afternoon, Baggy did something she has not done for over thirty years - she gave blood. Getting approved took an age; explaining about Lawrence-the-durmoid-cyst, cubital tunnel surgeries, punctured lungs, concussions etc. Not to mention the happy pills and a doctor's appointment tomorrow. Then her iron levels were too low, so she had to have another test and passed. Finally, after well over an hour, it took just five minutes to squirt out a pint! The best bit was the Tuc biscuits afterwards! She's booked again for January - who can resist a cheesy biscuit after all?
Doctor's tomorrow morning before heading to see Pepper. It's going to be an interesting day one way or another. It's hard being without either of her protectors, but in spite of everything Baggy is feeling strong.....................
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