None of us is perfect.

Note to readers (my lovely Baggees): For the avoidance of any doubt - every character in this blog is me!!! No Baggy was harmed in its writing.

Baggy's daily state!
Depression (Black = really bad/Grey = not great/Blue = okay/Yellow = sunny day): Grey.
Anxiety (From 1 = barely any to 10 = gibbering wreck standard): 6.
Tears: No.
Overall day: 😬

After Creative Clara's blog of yesterday, as usual Baggy shared it on Facebook. Baggy's sister saw it and found a few pictures of the two of them at the RSC at Stratford-on-Avon on that memorable day. Sorry for the blurry quality baggees, but this is a little Debby and a little Baggy (in the background) on that day.

They had a chat about it last night. Baggy's Mum died thirteen (?) years ago, and they both miss her terribly. They loved, (still do love) their Mum. But the fact is that as Mum's go, she was not a very good one! Clara eluded to it yesterday in her blog. Their Mum left Baggy when she was seven or eight and her sister Debby was five. In those days, divorce was still pretty rare, the father keeping the kids - pretty much unheard of. But that's what happened. Baggy has talked about it before (well she thinks she has) in her blog, when she was going through counselling for Hormonal Hannah's depression. But she still finds it hard to admit the truth, because it brings back that little girl "whose Mum didn't want her". Making those memories of being in the theatre whenever Baggy and Debby saw their Mum, seem like something great, was a bit of a lie! The truth is that their Mum was much more interested in the theatre than she was in them. (Freda Fretter is having a mild panic attack just writing that - but this blog is supposed to be about honesty and by being honest, hopefully helping someone else in the process, if they can relate). Debby confirmed Baggy's thoughts, that every time they saw their Mum (really not very often at all), she spent more time without them, than with them.

She was at the theatre (seemingly) every day. Baggy and Debby were either totally left to their own devices, or fobbed off on a cast member to keep an eye on them! If she wasn't at the theatre then they would be put in a "museum club" for the day, sent off to the swimming pool - on their own, or with a friend, or taken to the "grand parents'" place in Yorkshire, so that they could look after them, or they could be left at their Aunt's house with their cousins. Even if they were at their Mum's home with her, there would be other people there - usually actors, either rehearsing or round for supper. As a result, little Baggy remembers her Mum as almost a larger-than-life, fictitious character! But Baggy and Debby knew no different, surely that's what Mum's were!

As if to emphasise this image, one of little Baggy's other strongest memories of her, is going on shopping expeditions with her to central London. Her favourite shop was the incredible Biba department store - the iconic sixties shop. Once described as "The sexiest shop on Earth"! Baggy loved it! The fashions, the boas, the hats, the Mary Quaint counter, the food hall! Her Mum would be in a mini-skirt with hip length, straight hair and a floppy hat one time; the next, a short bob, a maxi-skirt and a big shaggy leather jacket with HUGE sunglasses. Wigs were Baggy's Mum's passion at the time - no wonder she remembers her as a character. One of her strongest images of a visit to Biba is asking her Mum as she wandered through rows of lacy lingerie, and most peculiar "objects", what a "Mistresses Department" was.

But they are lovely memories. Yes Baggy's Mum was a very selfish woman who admitted herself when she was dying, that she should never have had children. But none of us is perfect. We all have flaws, some bigger than others. We all make mistakes. But that doesn't mean that we're all bad. That we're not still loveable. Baggy's Mum wasn't the best Mum, but she loved Baggy and Debby a lot, and showed them that in her own ways. She was however an absolutely brilliant Grandma, a superb teacher, mentor and Deputy Head, a great and loyal friend, a wise counsellor, an amazing thespian and adjudicator and a seriously larger than life character.

Thanks to her counselling, Baggy is able to accept her Mum's failures and love her anyway. It's slightly harder to accept her own failures and love herself anyway, but she is trying hard. None of us is perfect - least of all Baggy, but it's good to know and accept that, and try to concentrate on the successes rather than the failures in life..............