Baggy's daily state!
Depression (Black = really bad/Grey = not great/Blue = okay/Yellow = sunny day): Blue.
Anxiety (From 1 = barely any to 10 = gibbering wreck standard): 8.
Tears: A few.
Overall day(s): 😳
Clever Bird is beginning to wonder if she needs to take Hormonal Hannah for a visit to the Doctor's. Her anxiety levels have been worryingly (excuse the pun), high recently. Her depression seems to be more obvious too. Her happy pills haven't been reviewed since she was put on them nearly a year ago. Had she not swapped Doctors, they were due to be reviewed next month. Now that won't happen for another six months. But maybe they need to be adjusted a bit. She'll leave it for a couple of weeks just in case it's the change in the weather that's causing it, but if things don't improve, action is required! Baggy can't carry on with this constant sick-feeling. It's stopping her, or at least doing its best to stop her, from "living" life fully. Hannah doesn't want to leave the house, or for that matter, her bed.
Clever Bird, Calum and Baggy's sister are all making sure that Baggy does get dressed and get out, but Freda Fretter has to admit that it feels a bit of a losing battle. She has won the battle for the last couple of days though. The Domestic Goddess has been doing a lot more tidying. Creative Clara has put together a massive pile of things to go to auction - the auctioneer is coming tomorrow. Furry Mama has been walking Minty Mutt. Grotty Groom has been for cuddles with her Boys. Both of these latter things were a real struggle! But at least she did them!
Minty Mutt doesn't deserve to suffer because Baggy would rather stay indoors! Fact! Because he has dementia, it's even more important that he has his walks and gets fresh air. Besides, Furry Mama adores him, and loves going out with him! Especially when he meets his two best friends when they're out as well, and becomes a puppy again. Furry Mama knows that he can safely be off the lead with them. They might be little sausage dogs, but oh boy are they cute. And they love Minty.
Even Hannah felt better watching them all chasing balls. Getting Grotty to see her Boys is a bigger deal though. There are a few reasons for this:
- It requires Baggy to really leave the boundaries of her safe place.
- It brings up loads of guilt that Grotty isn't really doing anything with Wesley.
- It brings back feelings of anxiety that Grotty felt with the awful situation she had to cope with at her last yard.
- It makes Clever Bird aware of how crazy it is to have such expensive creatures and not spend time with them -
But, Clever Bird knows how much better Baggy always feels when Grotty has been with her angel Wesley, because Psychic Ploppo really does believe that Wesley is her angel. This morning Baggy still wasn't even dressed at 11.00am. She felt terribly anxious (for no apparent reason), and close to tears. She didn't want to do anything. She had a morning chat with Calum. Explained how she felt. Explained that it was autumn outside, cold, windy and raining. Used it as an excuse for not doing as she'd planned and taking Grotty to the yard. She didn't even want to walk Mint. Calum encouraged her to take one step at a time and take charge of Hannah.
Step one: get showered.
Step two: get dressed - in Grotty's clothes.
Step three: take Minty for a walk.
Step four: get in Billy Bob Jalopy.
Step five: drive to the yard.
Step six: see how Baggy feels.
Her sister called her on the way to the yard. Baggy no longer has a phone system in her car, Billy Bob is after all nearly forty years old, so she just felt the vibration in her pocket. Once at the yard she called Debby back. And stayed in the safety of Billy Bob chatting to her. The longer she sat there, the more she considered just driving home again. But Clever Bird won through. Baggy got out of Billy Bob, into the wind. Grotty decided to pick some rose hips for her Boys. Hips picked, she walked to their paddocks, they were so pleased to see her - especially her angel - who took one look at her and did a really loud high-pitched whinny, followed by a few horsey "hello" noises. Bless him. Instantly Baggy felt better.
Clever Bird is going to make her hold that thought. Okay, Grotty's not exactly doing a lot with them, but so what? Just spending time in their paddocks with them, having a chat, having a cuddle is really special. They both seem to love seeing Grotty as much as she loves seeing them. And the fact is Wesley is the best therapy for Hannah's problems! By the time Grotty had swept up all the hay that had blown into the walkway and shared it between Wes and Joey; fed both of them rose hips and minty treats; picked some more blackberries and fed them those too; had big cuddles and scratchy sessions with both of them, Hannah's sick-feeling had gone completely and her anxiety level was back to one. Wesley followed her about his paddock, nudging and snuffling her, and at one point Grotty found herself laughing out loud at his antics. The Boy is a charm.
As Creative Clara types this blog, the sick-feeling is back. The anxiety levels are back up to about six. But Clever Bird is going to insist that Grotty sees her Boys as often as she can. They need to know that she's still about, especially Wesley who worries about her, and in the same way that it's not fair on Minty to not walk him, it's not fair on the Boys to not see their Mum. Grotty doesn't need to do anything with them (that will take the pressure off Hannah), she just needs to be with them and let them know just how much they're loved. She can build from there...........
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