Depression can manifest itself in physical pain - aches, stiffness, headaches, stomach problems and worse. Being physically active can help alleviate depression. But Clever Bird has been wondering today whether over-doing the physical exercise which causes aches and pains, can increase depression! To say that The Domestic Goddess made Baggy over do it at the weekend is an understatement. Even number one furry was exhausted and aching after it and he is as strong as a bear! Yesterday Baggy had her physio. at the other house, then had the drive home - it's only fifty miles, but it takes ninety minutes most times, thanks to the wonderfully squiggly English country roads. By last night every bit of Baggy ached and she felt great mentally, but worn out physically.
This morning Baggy could not get up for love nor money. It's another grey drizzly day, so it's stayed quite dark all day so far. The alarm went off. Baggy got up so that Furry Mama could let Minty Mutt out and feed the furries. As soon as he was back in, Hormonal Hannah, who was feeling very low and teary, persuaded Baggy to go back to bed for a while. An hour later Baggy woke up again, and Hannah rolled over and went back to sleep. The phone rang downstairs. Baggy dragged her naked self downstairs to answer it. It was number one furry making his morning call, because Baggy hadn't called him and he was worried. It was eleven-fifteen! It was cold. Furry Mama spoke to her beloved, as Baggy turned the heating on and put the kettle on. Phone call over, Hormonal Hannah wanted to take Baggy back to bed again, as she felt so low.
How to describe it? It's a physical pressure on the chest that feels as though you can't quite breathe properly. You're not entirely aware of it, but it feels "dark" and "heavy". When you become consciously aware of it, it makes you a bit panicky. When you question why you feel like it, it makes you teary. Before you know what's happening, you are fighting yourself not to cry. Then questioning why you feel like it. Clever Bird did think that the happy pills were a magic cure, but as Baggy's physio. pointed out yesterday, "the depression won't just vanish". Clever Bird did think she had a handle on it, but she's realised today, that perhaps that's a bit arrogant. If she had a true understanding of it, presumably she could "stop" it. She doesn't and she can't!
So instead, she has to learn to live with it. Maybe it will pootle off of its own accord at some point. Maybe grey days make it worse. Maybe tiredness makes it worse. But trying to beat it is not helping. Pouring guilt on herself for wasting the day is not helping. Pouring more pressure on herself because she can't face leaving the house is not helping. Feeling awful because at 12.30pm she still wasn't dressed is not helping. Feeling bad because the house is once again an overwhelming mess but she hasn't the strength to get on with sorting it out (again), is not helping. Feeling as though she isn't getting anywhere setting the (not) so-soon-to-be-a-holiday cottage up, is not helping.
What is helping - a lot - is her number one furry's support! He said to her this morning, "If you don't feel like getting on with the sorting today, then don't. The weekend was exhausting, so just rest". So Creative Clara decided to write this blog before Hormonal Hannah made her totally forget her thought processes. Calum and the therapeutic effect of writing this all down, has now motivated Baggy, who at lunchtime, is now about to get showered and dressed and finally get on with the day. What's more, she's motivated enough that The Domestic Goddess might actually start some more sorting. Still not sure that Hannah will want to leave the building though, but that remains to be seen..............
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