Creative Clara would just like to start by saying that Baggy is fine. In fact Baggy is doing very well. Baggy is a strong old bird. Baggy will continue to be fine. So bloggees, please hold those thoughts and do not worry about her when you read this blog. But as this blog was originally about Baggy's "Road to Recovery" after her surgery, and she was determined to be brutally honest about how she felt, originally physically, but now mentally, she wishes to continue to be honest! But of course writing these things down in black and white can make them sound more dramatic than the reality. So Clara repeats, Baggy is fine.
However, Hormonal Hannah does seem to have thrown yet another "wobbler" at her. Clever Bird has begun to realise that Hannah is making Baggy slightly agoraphobic. Actually more truthfully, Baggy has always had mild agoraphobia (although she didn't recognise that that's what it was!) What does she mean? Well, she'd do anything to avoid situations that might give her a panic attack: she'll never travel on a coach; she'd walk through London or get a bus rather than going on the tube; she avoids going to the theatre or cinema unless she can sit on the end of the row, near the exit (and even that makes her uncomfortable); she won't get in a car for any distance with anyone other than Calum or her sister; no way would she go to a "festival"; she avoids crowded places (forget the sales for instance); going to weddings, funerals, even her own graduations are a nightmare because she has to stay in the Church, hall, whatever; no way in a million years would she ever sleep in a communal hall (like folk regularly do at re-enactment events), she'll be the one outside in her tent in January, and that tent will be a long way from everyone else; even with Calum, if they get stuck in a traffic jam she'll have a meltdown; she's very uncomfortable staying at other people's houses (even close friends'); she's not great having people stay in her house either etc etc there are loads of other examples now that Clever Bird thinks about it!! Clever Bird always thought that this was claustrophobia, which she also suffers from, but apparently not.
But it's now becoming increasingly obvious that Hormonal Hannah does not want Baggy to leave the house! Furry Mama is fine walking Minty Mutt "out back" as it were, as long as she is a few minutes from home. Gloria Gardener is very happy in the garden, in fact Baggy loves to just sit out there with Derek and Minty Mutt and listen to the birds. But unless Calum is with her (and even then it takes some persuading), she doesn't want to go elsewhere. Only once since they moved here has Furry Mama taken Mint for a walk on the beach (and that was because Calum persuaded her to, over the phone). The Domestic Goddess had good intentions of driving to the soon-to-be-a-holiday cottage at least twice a week to get it sorted, but just the thought makes Baggy panic. As bloggees will have noticed, Grotty Groom is not exactly spending a lot of time with her beloved horses. Because she doesn't want to be away from the house. Agoraphobia - and it's definitely getting worse. So Weedy Wilma Willpower now has another task - keep making Baggy go out.
She had no choice today, Wesley and Joey had their first shoe fitting with their new farrier, so Baggy had to take Grotty Groom to the yard. It was driving there that made her recognise for sure that she has agoraphobia; as she drove (even though she was chatting to Calum on the phone), she started to get anxious and then to really panic - breathless, sweaty, heart racing, dizzy. Calum used that classic phrase, "There's nothing to fear but fear itself". Clever Bird never has understood that expression.
"But that's the point, I don't even know what I'm afraid of".
Calum explained. Hormonal Hannah has already forgotten his explanation, but Baggy decided to accept that her fear was irrational, therefore she had nothing to fear. It worked well enough to get her to the yard. As soon as she got there and was with Wessles, she was fine. Then of course she feels an idiot for not wanting to go in the first place. But it's definitely becoming a real problem.
But Baggy felt a million times better after she'd groomed Wessles. Wessles was very pleased to see her and loves having a good scratch with his tail brush! He was a good lad having his shoes done.
He kept himself amused.
As it turned out, Joey had his shoes done yesterday, so Minty treats handed out, Baggy returned to the safety of her house. But the good news is that Baggy will be fine. Why? Because Clever Bird has recognised (belatedly) that it's an issue. Now she has recognised it, she can do something about it! Weedy has another task. No wonder the poor woman is struggling to stay on track with her healthy eating with all the other things she's trying to deal with. Well that's Baggy's excuse and she's sticking to it. Time for The Goddess to make some pancakes........
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